Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches ($3.99) Rating: 5

Mark Lim - Burger technology has advanced leaps and bounds over the past couple months. Gone are the ways of the big greasy bacon packed behemoths of yesteryear. Mini is in.

Much like cellphones and trendy dogs, burgers have gotten smaller and smaller. The new mini on the market is the Jack in the Box Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich:

3 Pack of Mini-ness

I actually like the concept of the Mini Burger. They're small and neatly put together. It's easier to portion out if you want to save some for later and they're much cleaner to eat.

Sampling a baby burger

Jack's Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches aren't very good. The patty is just slightly larger than a dinosaur chicken nugget and tastes just as good as a microwaved one. If they had used quality meat from their chicken fingers it would have been a much better burger.

Acrobatic Mini Burgers

Another thing that disturbs me about the burger is the amount of Frank's Red Hot Sauce they put on them. I like hot sauce in small quantities but sometimes they drench the entire sandwich in it ruining the flavor.

Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich

Taste ------------ (5) Too much sauce not enough chicken
Presentation -----(6) They look ok. Nothing to brag about
Price ------------- (6) $3.99? I can get 4 double cheese burgers for that
Quantity --------- (5) The key word here is "Mini"
Satisfaction ----- (4) Naw, not going to get this again

Eh, I expected way too much. I actually really liked their Mini Sirloin Burgers but their Mini Chickens are pretty gross. Steer clear, Cowboy.

Oh, I'll leave you with this video of me trying to fit them into my mouth:

Be Fat! Be Happy!

McDonalds - Angus Mushroom Burger ($5.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - Late January I banned all personal consumption of McDonalds after I was tricked into purchasing 2 Big Macs which I later "refunded" into a porcelain receptical.

It's been 5 months so last week I lifted the restriction and got myself a McDonalds 1/3 Pounder Angus Mushroom Burger. They're actually quite good.

Not a bad looking burger.

Looks like someone chewed it for me! Thanks!

Ugly but tastes fine.

McDonalds - Angus Mushroom Burger

Taste ------------ (7) The mushroomy taste came out just right
Presentation -----(6) Pretty with it's bread hat on but disgusting with it off
Price ------------- (5) $5 is a little expensive for this kind of burger
Quantity --------- (6) It hit the spot
Satisfaction ----- (7) Definitely much better than I thought it was going to be

Usually McDonalds burgers look like a bum used it as a pillow before being served but I was quite surprised because the Angus Mushroom Burger looked edible.. When I lifted the hood it did look pretty bad though but I've kind of learned to expect that from all fast food chains.

The taste was nice and clean. The McDonalds mushrooms had a better flavor than Carl's Portobello Burger which really blew me away. The cheese wasn't bad either and the burger patty wasn't greasy and disgusting. I would definitely get this burger again.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Claim Jumpers - Frisco Burger ($10.00) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - Before my Frisco Burger came I polished off a Mozzarella Cheese Stick, a Southwest Eggroll, 6 Onion Rings, a Loaded Potato Skin, a Buffalo Wing, a Fried Zucchini, a half boat of Ranch Dressing, and some pieces of Artichoke. If I wasn't with family I would have been quite embarrassed.

This was a critical error because by the time my burger was ready I was already in a food coma.

The Monstrous Appetizer Combo

What made me realize that I actually really really liked Claim Jumper's Frisco Burger was that even after gorging myself on half of the monster appetizer plate I was still able to eat most of my meal.

The Frisco Burger might not be for everyone because it has a little sweet in it. My mother thought it was disgusting because it tasted like candy but I loved it.

The Frisco Burger consists of a wonderful Emmenthaler Swiss cheese on a burger patty cooked to your liking with lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes covered with 1000 Island dressing all wrapped up in a grilled parmesan sourdough. It was delicious even when my stomach was already about to explode.

Claim Jumpers - Frisco Burger

Taste ------------ (9) The flavors all worked together perfectly
Presentation -----(7) Not the prettiest but it sure was good
Price ------------- (7) $10 for a Burger and Fries ain't bad for a restaurant
Quantity --------- (8) Just about right. Couldn't really judge though
Satisfaction ----- (9) I definitely will be eating this again

Maybe it's because I'm just so used to eating $1 burgers from fast food joints that I forget that there are actually quality meals out there. It's good to treat yourself to something nice once in a while. I don't feel so... cheap.

Oh, I got up at 4:30am the next morning and polished off the rest of the Frisco Burger. I had dreams about it and I just had to finish it.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

El Pollo Loco - Chicken Sliders ($1.29) Rating: 5

Mark Lim - When KFC introduced Grilled Chicken to their menu it turned their war with El Pollo Loco into one giant soap opera. It was like KFC stealing El Pollo Loco's woman at the altar on horseback, giving her amnesia, and switching their babies at birth all at the same time.

El Pollo Loco has decided to fight back by copying KFC's "Snacker" sandwich and renaming it The Chicken Slider.

Both are pretty decent but I'd have to give the edge to the Snacker because KFC offers a larger sandwich, more flavors, and uses a better chicken chunk.

These El Pollo Loco Sliders are advertised at 99 cents but that's only for the Original Flavor. Spicy and BBQ are $1.29 which leaves me feeling cheated.

The chicken used in the Sliders are comparable with McDonald's frozen chicken but they're not too bad. I actually quite enjoyed the Original Flavor.

I have quite a large head so it's hard to judge how big these Sliders actually are.

Maybe it's me but fast food sandwiches covered in BBQ sauce are never good. The KFC BBQ Snacker and the El Pollo Loco BBQ Sliders are both pretty gross.

El Pollo Loco - Original Slider, BBQ Slider, Spicy Slider

Taste ------------ (5) Original was by far better than the other two
Presentation -----(5) Lots of mess for a little burger
Price ------------- (6) $0.99 - $1.29 isn't too bad
Quantity --------- (4) They're the size of half a tennis ball
Satisfaction ----- (5) I probably could eat about 5 before throwing up

These aren't my favorite and I believe the KFC Snacker to be the superior mini chicken burger but I probably would get them again if I wanted something small and cheap. What El Pollo Loco should have done was use their superior Flame Grilled Chicken and made that into a sandwich. That would have been a total change of pace and something wonderfully awesome.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. - Portobello Mushroom $6 Burger ($5.00) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - The Portobello Mushroom $6 Burger looked amazing when I took it out of the box but Carl's Jr. always finds a way to disappoint me.

Other than being a little squished from sitting at the bottom of the bag the burger looked just like the commercials. The juices, melted cheese, and portobello mushrooms merged together in perfect harmony.

It fit just right in my hand. I couldn't wait to swallow it whole.

The mushrooms were plentiful and covered the entire burger which is rare experience at Carl's. They're supposed to be sauteed in garlic butter but were lacking saltiness. Normally when I order a specialty burger they don't give me enough of the "special" (e.g. Prime Rib and Kentucky Bourbon) but this one had the right amount of goodies.

The other condiments suffered though. Look at the pitiful amount of onions they gave me. They did include two large slices of tomato which was a surprise since they normally skimp on them.

Don't let my large head fool you. The burger is pretty big.

Here's a picture of the two nice tomato slices.

This is the second time I've had the Carl's Jr. Portobello Mushroom burger and while it looks wonderful the flavor is too subtle for me. The meat had a nice smokey flavor but the swiss cheese was too mild, the mushrooms didn't have the garlic butter kick, and there weren't enough onions to spice it up.

Carl's Jr. - Portobello Mushroom Burger

Taste ------------ (4) Bland, mild, no strong flavor
Presentation -----(9) Good looking burger
Price ------------- (6) $6 burgers are $5. Not that great of a deal
Quantity --------- (8) It's large and hefty
Satisfaction ----- (5) I was full but I wanted something salty after

Rating: 6 out of 10

It's not a bad burger. I like it much better than the Prime Rib or the Kentucky Bourbon which are both horrific but it lacked that "Mmm..." factor. Before I took my first bite I had visions of a delicious flavor explosion but was disappointed with a taste deprived mouthful. I guess looks can be deceiving.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 3 times, I don't think so. I won't be getting this burger a 3rd time.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Jack in the Box - Mini Sirloin Burgers - ($4.00) Rating: 8

Mark Lim - Burger Technology has grown leaps and bounds over the years and has even borrowed a few tricks from Silicon Valley.

Jack in the Box's Mini Sirloin Burgers don't boast their size or messiness like Carl's Jr's menu but are built more like microchips. These little bad boys are small, efficient, and pack a flavorful punch that rival the biggest of burgers.

Here's a pack of 3 for $3.99

The mini burgers are around 2.5 inches in diameter but are actually quite filling

Here is the well crafted and neat guts of the mini burger

Close up of the Sirloin patty

These Mini Burgers are perfect for the OCD consumer. They're neatly constructed and are much easier to eat than a full sized burger. They weren't messy and held together really well.

Usually when I order a big burger from a fast food joint the condiments and toppings are sparsely placed on top but with these tiny burgers the condiments and toppings were evenly placed. I was surprised at how much I liked the Mini Sirloin Burgers.

Jack in the Box - Mini Sirloin Burgers

Taste ------------ (8) The patty tasted good
Presentation -----(8) The burgers were well built
Price ------------- (6) 3.99 is about average for a burger
Quantity --------- (7) It looks small but it's a good amount
Satisfaction ----- (8) I was full and wasn't covered in grease

Rating: 8 out of 10

I bought 9 of these burgers and gave a couple friends a stack. They also agreed that the burgers were quite good. I'd definitely get them again. :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Quizno's - Italian Torpedo ($4.40) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - All hands on deck! Here comes a Torpedo! Yes, Quizno's has a new sandwich that rivals Subway's $5 Foot Long and it only costs $4.

It's like those people who make 6 minute Ab workouts to combat the people who make the 7 minute Abs.

The TV commercials for the Torpedo with the smooth talking Oven trying to seduce a sandwich maker is a little too sexual for me but the subs are pretty good. I ordered two Torpedos. This one is the Tuna:

Quiznos has a fixin's bar that has different sauces and toppings which is nice

Here's the Italian Sub:

The problem with the Torpedos isn't their taste but in their construction. The bread isn't one piece but built more like a regular sandwich with two pieces of bread that aren't connected. They do this so it's easier to put them through the conveyor toaster but it becomes a huge problem when you try to eat it because it simply falls apart.

If we're talking value then Subway's $5 Foot Long destroys the $4 Torpedo. Why? Because most Subway doesn't charge tax on their $5 Foot Longs but Quiznos does which makes their $4 Torpedoes $4.33.

Quiznos - Italian Torpedo + Tuna Torpedo

Taste ------------ (7) These are good subs
Presentation -----(4) It's messy and falls apart
Price ------------- (5) It's ok but Subway's prices are better
Quantity --------- (6) It's a good amount of food
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was full but I ate two of them

Rating: 6 out of 10

If we're talking taste then I would give Quiznos a slight edge because their ingredients seem a little better but the Subway Subs are much much bigger than the Quizno Torpedos which means they give you more bang for the buck.

The Quiznos Torpedo is a good sub but if there was a Subway next door I'd go there instead because I'm cheap like that.

Be Fat! Be Happy!