Chipotle Mexican Grill: Steak Burrito ($6.00) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - If you like Mexican food but don't like all that strange ethnic stuff then Chipotle "Mexican" Grill is perfect for you!

The food there lacks the authentic tastes of a local tacqueria stand but their burritos are ok. They have a fresh and clean taste which normally you'd think would be a good thing but when I'm craving a burrito I want a greasy, oily, salty, dense, and satisfying one. Their food almost looks... healthy...

Chipotle is the last place I'd go to fill my animalistic hunger. They're about as Mexican as, let's say, Tom Cruise.

Here's their Steak Burrito. No grease stains at the bottom! Damn!

Holding my burrito like a baby

Look how clean it is! Yuck!

Their Steak Burritos consist of small lean cubes of steak, pinto beans, seasoned white rice, sour cream, and choice of sauce.

Chipotle Mexican Grill: Steak Burrito

Taste ------------ (6) Decent burrito but lacks ethic flavor
Presentation -----(8) Nice and simple
Price ------------- (7) $6 is a good price forits size
Quantity --------- (7) Pretty big
Satisfaction ----- (5) I just never feel complete when I eat there

Rating: 6 out of 10

I think Chipotle lies somewhere between Taco Bell and a good authentic Mexican restaurant. It's not quite fast food and it's definitely not a taqueria. It's most likely going to be the next McDonald's so you'll probably be seeing one on every corner in the future. It's no replacement for good Mexican food but it sure is convenient.

Oh, by the way... This is how a burrito should look:

Carne Asada Burrito from the taqueria :) They cut it straight off a giant piece of beef!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

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Shiki Restaurant: 5 Specialty Sushi Rolls: ($60) Rating: 8

Mark Lim - When I eat sushi I want to be served by Asians. There, I said it. Sure, there are other places with better tasting and more unique sushi than Shiki but the atomosphere, people, and the service are what make it my favorite restaurant. Asians! Yes, there are actually Asians that work there!

Chomp in Fullerton, CA has some awesomely creative rolls but it's always packed, you have to wait 20-45 minutes to be seated, and instead of being served by people from the Far East you're being served by people... further south.

I mean, if I want authentic Mexican food I want to be served by Mexicans. There, I said it again.

Here's the fierce Dragon Roll with fresh Eel.

Holding up Shiki Crunch Rolls

More Crunch Roll action

The Shiki Roll! I think. I totally forgot. This one had an assortment of raw fish on top of each roll.

This one is my favorite because I love love love that red roe.

Kings Roll with... I honestly don't know but I remember it was hot, like in a heat sort of way.

Shiki Restaurant: 5 Different Sushi Rolls

Taste ------------ (7) Not the best but still very good.
Presentation -----(9) I love my Dragon Roll!
Price ------------- (7) $9-$14 a roll isn't too bad.
Quantity --------- (8) Lots and lots of food!
Satisfaction ----- (9) I always leave full and happy

Rating: 8 out of 10

There's a lot to be said about Shiki. The service is great. The owner comes around to every table and greets you, there's almost always a booth open for you so you don't have to wait, and it's just a peaceful quiet atmosphere. The place has character and the people that frequent there are pretty nice.

If you like sushi you've got to go to Shiki. I'll see you there!

Shiki Restaurant
1936 E Katella Ave
Orange, CA 92867

Be Fat! Be Happy!

The Yard House: Margherita Pizza and Hawaiian Burger ($24) Rating: 3

Mark Lim - Do you know why The Yard House has 160 different brands of draft beers? Because you have to be pretty drunk to eat their food! Bad-dum ching!

Ok, that wasn't really a joke but their expensive pizzas and burgers were.

I asked the waitress what her favorite pizza was and she told me she liked hers plain so I decided to order the Margherita which is a pizza brushed with olive oil instead of sauce and has oven roasted roma tomatoes, chunks of whole roasted garlic, mozzarella, and basil.

It doesn't look like it but this was the most boring pizza I've ever had.

The pizza was bland but the roasted garlics were really flavorful. The garlics would have saved the pizza if there had been more than 4 random chunks. They were strewn in the corners like dirty socks after a long day.

The Hawaiian Burger had the strangest texture because it offered no resistance to my mouth. It was like eating a beefy cotton candy. The bun, cheese, pineapple, and beef had the consistency of baby food. It was very odd.

The burger came with it's own dipping sauce but it didn't really do much for it. The $12 price tag didn't help either.

The Yard House: Margherita Pizza and Hawaiian Burger

Taste ------------ (2) Totally lame
Presentation -----(5) Pizza looked good. Burger didn't
Price ------------- (1) $24? It was worth half that
Availability ----- (8) Lots of Yard Houses
Quantity --------- (6) There's a decent amount of food
Satisfaction ----- (2) The Yard House is in the dog house

Rating: 3 out of 10

Great place for beers, bad place for food.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

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The Hat: Pastrami Chili Fries and Double Cheese Burger ($18) Rating: 8

Mark Lim - Lauren had never been to The Hat so my friends, just like bearded old wise men, regaled her with stories of the mythical Pastrami Chili Fries Monster that lived at the heart of the eatery. After listening to the tales we started our journey.

It was a long and epic battle at the drive thru but I was able to capture the beast with my ATM card. On our way home Lauren tried to sneak a peek at the mound of pastrami and chili wrapped in butcher paper but I had to stop her. "Don't disturb it." I said. "You'll wake it."

When we got home I showed her what my friends meant:

This is the $12 pastrami, chili, cheese, french fries, tomatoes, onions, and pickles monster.

I think we've made it angry

I stab you with my +5 Strength Fork of Doom!

Eating the remains and giving the gods of finance (Suze Orman) a sacred offering.

The entrails

AND a Double cheese burger! Geez!

The super awesomely salty world famous Pastrami complimented the slightly smooth and creamy meat chili. The tomatoes were sweet and the pickles completed the flavor rainbow with a much needed sour kick in the face.

The hamburger was really good as well. It has two large meat patties covered in cheese, lettuce, onions, and a nice sweet and tangy mayo sauce. It rocks.

I love The Hat but it's one of those places that you have to gorge yourself to the point where you say, "I'm not going back there for a month." to fully experience it.

The Hat: Pastrami Chili Fries and Double Cheese Burger

Taste ------------ (9) Awesomely greasy
Presentation -----(9) It's breathtaking
Price ------------- (6) $12 for super fries is kind of expensive
Availability ----- (6) Not a lot around
Quantity --------- (9) That's a meal I tell you what
Satisfaction ----- (8) Great but you're going to feel it in the morning

Rating: 8 out of 10

If you've never been to the hat and love pastrami you've got to go. I suggest you get the world famous pastrami sandwich and gravy fries. I will next month!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Pinks vs The Swap Meet Hot Dog

Mark Lim - I crossed my fingers as I neared Pinks and prayed that the line for hot dogs didn't wrap around the building. Usually when I drive by there I see a huge crowd of people that look like they're camping out for Van Halen tickets but this time I was lucky and only had to wait 20 minutes.

On their walls are what seemed like hundreds of autographed photos of celebrities and next to them were signs apologizing for not accepting credit or debit cards. I panicked. I frantically checked my wallet and dug deep into my pockets looking for loose change but was only able to scavenge $4.35. I had visions of eating mounds of uniquely flavored hot dogs and shoveling handfuls of chili fries into my mouth but my dreams were shattered.

Luckily Lauren had $4 and was able to lend me 30 cents so I could get the Triple Bacon Chili and Cheese Hot Dog with Tomatoes.

Mmm... ($4.65)

A woman stared as we took pictures of each other with our new meaty friends and probably thought, "Damn those tourists!"

The greasy juicy goodness dripped all over my face and hands as I ate my Triple Bacon Chili and Cheese Hot Dog with Tomatoes and a tear slowly fell from my eye. We live in an awesome country.

The World Famous Pinks Chili Dog with Onions ($3.10)

My only regret is that I didn't get to try the many awesome specialty hot dogs like the "Huell Howser" that has two hot dogs in one bun or the Ozzy Spicy Dog with a Polish sausage, nacho cheese, and guacamole. Simply amazing.

Pinks
709 N. La Brea Blvd.
LA, CA 90038

If you've ever been in LA there are illegal hot dog vendors cooking up special "Border Style Hot Dogs" on little stoves or even shopping carts on random corners of the street. These dirty little dogs are some of my favorite things to eat.

I was at the Santa Fe Swap Meet and had a found a nice Border Style Hot Dog booth and sampled one of their combos.

I had to use my cellphone camera because I forgot my memory card but luckily we were at the swap meet and I was able to haggle for one after lunch.

Mine was covered with Mayo, Relish, Grilled Onions, Jalapenos, with a Hot Dog wrapped in Bacon. It was pretty good but it lacked the whole purchasing it from a woman cooking your meat on aluminum foil on a busy street.

Both hot dogs from Pinks and the Swap Meet rocked and I could have probably eaten 4 more if they let me unbutton my pants. It was a cool experience to go to such an awesome eatery landmark. Maybe one day they'll hang my photo up at Pinks:


Be Fat! Be Happy!

Chomps Sushi ($25) Rating: 8

Mark Lim - Combine Americanized Japanese dinning with douche bags sporting spiky frosted tip highlights and you've got Chomps. This restaurant is located near the strip of bars near downtown Fullerton (California) and is always full of drunken quad riding mixed martial arts wannabe "Bros" and scantily clad women belting out off key Journey songs. It's got its charms and if you're in the mood it's an awesome place but if you're looking for fine dinning atmosphere look elsewhere.

The food is impressive though. They fuse ingredients like cream cheese and jalapeno salsa into their sushi which give them a really interesting flavor. Their sauces are what make their rolls. The service speed is also amazing.

The first thing we ordered was the Crunch Roll. They fill it with crab, avocado, and tempura shrimp and drizzle a sticky sweet soy sauce all over it. I really enjoyed it.

Lauren and I enjoying our sushi

The next roll we had was a salt water eel roll which was also great. The presentation of the food was well done.

This orange monster is called the Kings Roll. It has shrimp tempura, avocado and crab meat baked with salmon, shrimp and covered in spicy "Cruzin" sauce.

I don't have a very discriminating palate. I can't tell the difference between a freshly made meal and a week old microwaved one but I think this dish was my favorite because the flavor was so much more powerful than the other rolls. I can taste it just by thinking about it. That's totally Jedi.

Our final dish was the Explosion Roll with explosion sauce. Here's the description: "fresh water eel, cream cheese, avocado and crab meat rolled and deep fried tempura style and topped with both our sweet eel and Cruzin' Sauces." I have ordered this before but it wasn't as good this time because there was too much cream cheese. It felt like I was taking a huge bite out of those silver foiled Philidelphia sticks. Sauce was good though.

Chomps Sushi:

Taste ------------ (8) Innovative rolls
Presentation -----(9) The stuff looked great on the plates
Price ------------- (7) It's about $12 a roll
Availability ----- (6) Not a lot around
Quantity --------- (8) I hardly get full on sushi but this was fine
Satisfaction ----- (8) Always enjoy the food. The atmosphere... not so much

Rating: 8 out of 10

When I'm out at a bar I don't mind the drunken screaming but when I'm eating I need some sort of quiet to savor my food. Trying to enjoy a meal to a censored Snoop Dogg's 'Ain't No Fun' (look up the song, it's classic) can be pretty funny though.

The food is totally unique and if you're out with your friends this is a really good place to go. I like Chomps, sometimes.

Be fat! Be happy!

(Make sure to visit my DirtyFilthyMoney.com blog too because I just updated it!)