Lazy Man's Kogi Truck Homemade Tacos

Mark Lim - I remember when buying food out of a truck either meant you were poor or you weren't wearing a shirt that day so you couldn't eat inside a restaurant.

Now it's the ultra hipster thing to do like buying storage lockers at an auction or occupying the streets of the white man.

I've never actually eaten out of the truck because I rarely leave the house anymore but the one everyone always talks about is the Kogi Truck.

The Kogi Truck combines the powerful communist secret flavors of North Koreans with the large hat wearing culture of the Mexicans and their version of a flat bread called a "corn tortilla."

Last week, for the first time ever, I saw an Asian man married to a Mexican woman and I believe this is where the idea of the Kogi Truck was born.

Now, I'm too poor to drive to LA and hunt down a truck just for a couple tacos so I decided to make my own this evening replacing all the ingredients with crap in my pantry.

It didn't look that good but it actually was awesome.

1 Chunk of mystery meat that was in the fridge
3 Squirrel sized handfuls of mayonnaise
2 Drip drops of rice wine vinegar
3 Bushels of brown sugar and soy sauce
4 Shot glasses of cabbage
2 Squeezes of Sirachi's hot sauce
4 Corn Tortillas (Mexican version of bread)

All I did was create a marinade with the brown sugar and soy sauce and let the mystery meat soak in there for a while. Then I created a slaw with the mayo and cabbage and drizzled sugar and rice wine vinegar to taste.

Then I cooked the meat in the pan, fried up the tortilla, and put the slaw on top with a little Sirachi's hot sauce and there you have it!

Poor man's Kogi Tacos.

Be Fat! Be Happy!
4 Corn Tortillas

Homemade Pizza

Mark Lim - Been making pizza almost every day trying to get it right, improving with each build. This is a 4th generation version 2.0 pie. I will be the Chinese Steve Jobs of pizza.

Five Guys - Double Cheese Burger with EVERYTHING - $6.00

Mark Lim - What does "Five Guys" mean? Did five guys start the chain? Can only five guys be in the establishment at once or it becomes a fire hazard? Is it code for some sort of homosexual eatery?



The name is still a mystery to me because I am too lazy to Google it.



It didn't matter. I was worn, beaten, and berated all morning and I was determined to make up for all of it during my precious lunch break.

The first thing you notice is the old fashioned diner look with a concise menu and self congratulatory signage all over the walls.

The second thing is the boxes and boxes and boxes of help-yourself-peanuts which I assume are picked at constantly by the homeless.

And finally you have the massive softball sized burgers. If you know me, I had to order EVERYTHING on the list of available savories which included: Mayo, Lettuce, Pickles, Tomatoes, Grilled Onions, Grilled Mushrooms, Ketchup, Mustard, Relish, Onions, Jalapeno Peppers, Green Peppers, A.1. Steak Sauce, BBQ Sauce, and Hot Sauce.

This was actually my second time eating here and I was very disappointed the first time. The burger didn't taste very meaty and tasted more like a backyard BBQ style burger that I would make at home.



The second time however, was awesome. I don't know what made it better but it just tasted different to me. I still have an issue with it not being as meaty as I'd like but my second visit was much more enjoyable.

The burger exploded but it was pretty darn good. I'm still not quite used to the fries since they're thick and cooked in peanut oil and lack that familiar salty oily goodness you get at most fast-food joints.



Another thing that impressed me was the choice of Cajun Fries and the extra scoop they put in your bag to top off your order. I always love to have those extra jibs floating around at the bottom of the bag after you think you're out of them.



Five Guys - Double Cheeseburger with EVERYTHING



Taste ------------ (8) So much stuff. Probably won't get the green peppers next time

Presentation ---(9) Packed from bun to bun

Price ------------- (9) $6 = Great value burger + unlimited nuts

Availability ----- (6) I think it's just a west coast thing

Quantity --------- (9) A lot of bang for your buck

Satisfaction ----- (8) Great burgers. I'll have to try the hotdog



Rating: 8 out of 10



Wonderful place if you haven't tried it out. I went there again last night just to give the Cajun Fries a second shot. Still not into it but the burgers are superb.



Be Fat! Be Happy!

Weird Sushi

Mark Lim - When the celestial bodies of boredom, the Food Network, and a fridge full of junk magically align it can produce a whole lot of weird.



So today, on my day off, I was watching Chopped on the Food Network and decided to build the weirdest snack I could from my fridge. I would like to introduce to you:



1) Bacon and String Cheese Sushi Rolls

2) Hot Dog and Chili Sushi Rolls

3) Hot Dog and String Cheese Sushi Rolls



The Bacon and String Cheese ones were ok and so was the hot dog but I think I totally missed the mark when I tried to add Hormel chili, lol.



Oh well, I guess I would have been chopped.



Be Fat! Be Happy!

What's been in my mouth?

Mark Lim - Mmm unhealthy eating! I started the week trying to eat better (e.g. yogurt, peaches, bananas, other crap) but ended it with a all out passionate prime rib buffet brawl at Morongo Casino.



My body has been craving fruit instead of sour gummy worms and fancy cakes lately which has helped me with my energy levels but has taken a toll on my fatty blogging.



That's why I decided to treat myself to the rocking all you can eat Saturday night buffet at Portofinos inside Morongo Casino

Getting ready to stuff the face

The Prime Rib Buffet is normally $18.95 but you get a $2 discount with a players club card which makes it almost affordable. The food and selection is pretty good but I usually have to aim for about 4-5 plates like this to get my money's worth.



On Monday Nights they have the $10.95 Mexican Buffet which is an amazing deal because the only difference is they don't have prime rib and crab legs but you'll have to wait about 20-30 minutes in line along with the other cheapskates.



This is the horrible pant load I normally have to eat from 7-Eleven when I'm at work. On Tuesdays Go-Go Taquitos are 75 Cents and Hot Dogs are about $2. Pretty disgusting but you can't beat that price and the walking distance.



My plans for the future is to bring a sandwich to work or something really simple so we can save money and have a nice dinner out at least once a week so I can keep blogging.



Be Fat! Be Happy!

Homemade Sushi and Tempura

Mark Lim - How dedicated I am to eating fatty hamburgers and writing reviews about them? So dedicated that I split my pants at Walmart today. -->

Yes, the fat has won and has destroyed my favorite pair of jeans. The worst part is that I'm at a stage in my life where I really don't care about myself and I debated if I should continue shopping with my new thigh vent instead of going home and changing.

Sanity was able to take control and I quickly went home to put on a pair of baggy loose fitting shorts.

The purpose of the outing, before my crotch exploded, was to surprise my wife with a special dinner. I've been trying to get more vegetables into my system and figured deep frying would give me the best odds of not throwing them back up.

I decided to pick up some zucchinis, string beans, and sweet potatoes to make vegetable tempura out of. I also saw some discount shrimp and figured I couldn't pass up $4 a pound.

It's pretty hard to get sushi grade fish in our town but I figured I could still make California Rolls and throw some shrimp tempura inside.

Walmart actually had a decent selection of international food and had everything I needed to make my surprise dinner.

Secret Dynamite Sauce - Mayonnaise mixed with Sriracha "Rooster" sauce

Next time I'll make a video of myself rolling the sushi. They're not perfect but they're edible. I'm still learning how to cook and trying to get it into my thick skull that measuring things isn't a waste of time. You really can't eyeball something if you have no clue what you are doing.

The wife loved it or at least was being nice. A win for me either way.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Ramsey Burger #2 - Burger and Fries Combo ($5.99)

Mark Lim - Some of the best tasting burgers come from small mom and pop shops. Maybe it's the extra care they put into each dish or maybe it's the unregulated sanitary conditions which allow the savory melding of sweat, grease, and rat droppings. Who really knows?

There aren't many good family owned burger places near my house but I've found a nice little place called Ramsey Burger #2 which I eat at on occasion.

It's location is unfortunately sandwiched between a Food 4 Less which is a supermarket that sells terrible knock offs of knock offs and a martial arts dojo filled with angry people kicking things.

Their burgers are smothered with dressing which I really enjoy and compliment the rest of the flavors. The patties are a little thin but their burgers taste pretty good.



I chat with the owner's son about their weekend special menudo which I am looking forward to trying if I ever get a day off on a Sunday. He pours me a little hot sauce from a bottle and tells me to dip my fries in it. It made my eyes water but fills me with the adventurous spirit of a conquistador.

After being surrounded by McDonald's, Burger Kings, Carl's Jrs, and Jack in the Box I forget how nice it is to eat at a place where I'm not treated like a number by a jaded 16 year old mother of two.

Ramsey Burger #2 is a great little place and it's my personal local burger joint. I look forward to eating their till I miss my mortgage payments.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. Hand Breaded Chicken Fillet Sandwich ($5.00)

Mark Lim - The new Carl's Jr. commercial uses Leonardo DiCaprio like inception to plant the idea in our heads that other fast food companies employ heartless terminators to assemble bread and lifeless cow parts with their cold dead hands.

They want their "Hand Breaded" chicken fillet sandwiches to invoke images of grandma dipping succulent chicken breasts in a homemade batter, waiting patiently till it fries into a crispy perfect golden brown mound of awesome.

But after what I saw at Carl's Jr. yesterday, I'd prefer if machines made my food.

When I got to Carl's I opted out of going through the drive through just so I could watch them "hand bread" my chicken.

I asked, "Do you really hand bread the chicken?" They said yes.

I asked, "Can I watch?" They said it would be ready in 6 minutes and shooed me away.

Other customers began to trickle in so I strategically stood in spot where I could spy the whole chicken breading process. I watched a hairy glove-less man pull out an already cooked chicken breast from a metal bin and slap together my sandwich like a bitter Ford assembly line worker but with much more fondling.

There was no "Hand Breading" or gentle grandma like love in the whole process. I was very sad. I had hopes that my sandwich would be prepared with craftsmanship and heart like the commercial promised but was only met with prison cafeteria efficiency.

The sandwich tasted old and dry, probably because the special sauce looked like it was applied with a Q-tip.

Carl's Jr. - "Hand Breaded" Chicken Fillet Sandwich

Taste ------------ (4) Dry and bland and tough.
Presentation ---(6) Not bad but if it were made by a robot it'd be better
Price ------------- (6) $5 = Chicken hand breaded who knows when
Availability ----- (9) Carl's is everywhere
Quantity --------- (7) Decent sized
Satisfaction ----- (4) Sad. Very sad.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Say what you want about robots but they are consistent and don't touch their face when making your sandwich. Would I get this sandwich again? No, but ask me again in 2025.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Taco Bell - Beefy Crunch Burrito ($0.99)

Mark Lim - Ok, this one isn't really a blog but Flaming Hot Fritos inside a beefy cheese burrito for 99 cents? Pretty awesome.

Anything that crumbles chips and makes them into a main ingredient has my attention. Here's some pictures of the Taco Bell Beefy Crunchy Burrito. I hope this one becomes permanent.