McDonald's: Big Mac ($1.75) Rating: 4

Mark Lim - Barrack Obama was being inaugurated as the 44th person to become President of the United States so I decided to eat the most patriotic hamburger I could think of:

The Big Mac

I swore to myself that I wouldn't go back to McDonald's unless it was a life or death situation but as I passed one on the street I saw a huge sign on the window: 2 Big Mac's for $3.50. Could it be? A Big Mac for $1.75? I couldn't pass up such an awesome deal.

Apparently my roommate saw the sign too so we decided to split 4 Big Mac's for breakfast. He also has some McDonald's horror stories but we felt so cheap that day that we had to do it.

Mmm... "Meat"

The Big Mac is a pretty interesting burger. It's got two "meat" patties seperated by a middle bun and sandwiched between lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, special sauce, and another set of buns.

The sauce is a sweet and tangy thousand island dressing and gives the Big Mac its unique taste.

It's really not a bad burger but as the day progresses you begin to feel its effects. I knew it was coming and so did my roommate. After we pounded our 2 Big Mac's a piece we sat around and I kept asking him, "Do you feel it yet? Do you?"

McDonald's - 2 Big Macs

Calories - 1080 - Fat -58g - Sodium - 2080mg - Carbs - 90g

Taste ------------ (6) Pretty good at first. Didn't last though
Presentation -----(8) The box and the burger looked nice
Price ------------- (9) $3.50 for 2? Awesome deal!
Availability ----- (10) Yeah, it's Mcdonald's.
Quantity --------- (9) That's a lot of food for $3.50
Satisfaction ----- (1) I was in pain

Rating: 4 out of 10

Ok, the scores are pretty high for a lot of the categories but the satisfaction factor totally annihilated any of the good points of the Big Mac.

I could not function the rest of the day after eating it. There's something about McDonald's food that just destroys my entire body and causes me to feel like I've been inseminated with a sharp and craggy alien baby.

It was absolutely horrifying. The human body was not meant to ingest 2 Big Macs in one day. I was left broken, depressed, and defeated. I will never do that again.

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Be fat! Be happy!

Chris' & Pitt's: Ribs, Chicken, Blooming Onion ($20.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - Chris' & Pitt's is a Southern California BBQ joint that has been around since I can remember. The place is almost always packed with jolly patrons and screaming kids and the decor looks like it hasn't changed in 50 years.

The best thing they've got there is their super seasoned blooming onion:

Golden slivers of sweet and crunchy onions deep fried to perfection. They add some sort of spice which gives it a kick and they serve it with their special Chris' & Pitt's BBQ Sauce. Definitely the best blooming onion in town.

I normally get their Prime Rib with aujous and horseradish which is usually pretty good but I wanted to try something new.

I was feeling hungry so I ordered the half chicken and ribs combo. Parts of the BBQ chicken were over cooked and tasted very tough and hard but the parts that were fattier were much better. The ribs weren't that great and were way over sauced but the price ($17) was right. The onion rings were the best I've had in a long time. Their fried stuff kicked their BBQ'ed stuff's butt.

The broasted chicken was awesome. The technique to broasting is to combine pressure cooking with deep frying which causes the chicken skin to be super crisp and crunchy while keeping the meat inside juicy. It's my favorite way to have my chicken cooked.

The ribs were quite generic tasting and the food wasn't as good as I remembered. I had to use a napkin to dab the sauce off the ribs so it didn't taste like I was just spooning ketchup in my mouth.

Chris' & Pitt's - Ribs, Broasted and BBQ Chicken, Blooming Onion

Taste ------------ (6) Not that spectacular
Presentation -----(7) It's a nice big plate of goodies
Price ------------- (8) It's a pretty good deal for the amount
Availability ----- (5) Only in Southern California
Quantity --------- (8) Lots of food. Didn't finish
Satisfaction ----- (7) I was full and ate it for breakfast the next day

Rating: 7 out of 10

Overall the place is pretty good. It's certainly not the best BBQ in the world or the nicest looking place but the portions are great and it's a pretty casual place, the price is right, and they give you a hot towel at the end to wipe away your shame.

I'll be back for the onion and chicken.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

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Burger King: Angry Whopper ($5.60) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - Burger King has unleashed a brand new spicy dirty bomb in my mouth in hopes to turn the tides of the Burger Wars. What is this Weapon of Mass Deliciousness you ask? It's The Angry Whopper.

After seeing the commercial on TV I started to mentally prepare myself for consumption. I imagined that eating it would cause me to hallucinate and travel to a magical land with pyramids and a talking coyote voiced by Johnny Cash much like Homer did when he ate the Guatemalan Insanity Pepper.

So after much meditation and milk drinking I went to my local Burger King and purchased an Angry Whopper.



I was very pleased because the burger actually looked good. The Burger King I purchased it from was in a much nicer neighborhood than the one I usually get it from so your experience will vary depending on which Burger King you go to.


After opening the hood I saw that the spicy onions and jalapenos were few and far between. It was nothing like the billboard and commercials. Surprise Surprise.


I took a monster bite and waited for fire to shoot out of my mouth but there was nothing. Not even a tiny little tingle. I was hoping to bust out of my shirt like the Hulk or be furious like I had been blamed for a crime committed by the One-Armed-Man but was more like, "Aww, man! Someone deleted my favorite Tivo show! Oh, but wait... they're going to show it again in an hour." kind of angry.


I was so disappointed that there was no heat or spice that it overshadowed the fact that the burger was actually pretty good. If someone on the street had handed me this burger and asked me if I liked it I would say I did but since they hyped it up to be a nuclear bomb in your mouth I was very unsatisfied.

Burger King - Double Angry Whopper

Calories - 1120 - Fat -55g - Sodium - 1720mg - Carbs - 59g

Taste ------------ (7) Pretty good. Not Spicy though
Presentation -----(7) Looked good in the rich side of town
Price ------------- (1) $5-$6 Way too expensive
Availability ----- (8) Lots of them around
Quantity --------- (6) It's decent sized
Satisfaction ----- (3) Taste the meat not the heat

Overall it's a good burger if you don't mind spending $6 on an overpriced overrated marketing gimmick. It's certainly the best burger I've reviewed from Burger King.

Oh, I also posted a new blog on my other site at DirtyFilthyMoney.com so go check it out!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Cafe Sierra (Burbank, CA) - Rating: 7

Mark Lim - For some reason the fatter I get the less I want to blog about my obesity. I have promised myself that not matter how morbidly chunkafied I get, I will force myself to write about it.

Once a year my family and I dine in decadence. We stuff ourselves with all forms of multi-legged and tentacled creatures to the point of hallucination.

Cafe Sierra is a ritzy buffet filled with all sorts of goodies and here's some of them:

Way too salty crab legs, Prime Rib, Scallops, and for some reason the Lobster was soggy. It was like eating Wonderbread drenched in mayonaise.

Mmm... Crab Legs

I actually thought I got a bad lobster but it turns out they all tasted funky. Not sure what happend but it wasn't very good.

Here's a plate of Shrimp, Walnut Shrimp, Shrimp Dumplings, a Sushi Hand Roll, and Shark Fin Soup. The Walnut Shrimp was the best thing there.

Here's the woman who touched my hand rolls.

The Chefs manning the meat

Sushi Bar

Random desserts

Buffage

I've got crab legs and I know how to use them.

I was actually pretty disappointed with Cafe Sierra because it wasn't as good as it was last year. The food tasted kind of old and bland and it just wasn't as exciting. It's a pretty decent deal for $50 a person and still totally beats 50 McDonalds Double Cheese Burgers.

I hope next year they redeem themselves.