Lizarran Tapas Restaurant ($47)

Lizarran's is a Spanish Tapas (google it) restaurant with an interesting but flawed concept. It's like an appetizer buffet but each item comes with a toothpick which you place in a little cup after you are done eating. When your meal is finished the server will count how many toothpicks you have in the cup and then give you a bill. It's kind of cool but if you order off the menu your service takes a lot longer because they're too busy doing other stuff.

After you are seated the server explains to you how the place works. There's an appetizer bar with a selection of cold treats (and toothpicks) where you can sample things for yourself and the hot tidbits are brought to you by the server as they come out of the oven. They'll let you know when something new is being passed around by ringing a bell. I felt like I was on a cattle drive and they were ringing one of those chuck wagon dinner triangles.

I thought the selection was very limited but I later found out that they gave me a menu with a few missing pages. I ordered the Paella which is a mixture of rice, muscles, ribs (MISSING), shrimp, chicken, calamari (MISSING), and peas and peppers. I looked all over for the ribs and calamari because those are my two favorite things. Didn't find them.

We didn't really understand the whole toothpick thing so we ended up ordering separate appetizers which turned out to be bad because the server forgot to put our order in. I had to sit and listen to the same Spanish version of Hotel California about half a dozen times before I got any food in me. I don't know why they didn't change the song. Maybe they're huge Eagles fans.

They had a fancy name for this cheese platter but I just called it a cheese platter. Pretty good especially mixed with the next order:

A selection of cured meats

Here's the mini mountain of prosciutto, cheese, and a walnut for crunch on a bruschetta that I made.

My Paella Mixta (with the missing rib meat and calamari)

Tarta Santiago con chupito de Vino dulce (Cake with a shot of wine)

The great thing about this place was that they realized that they didn't serve us all too well and made up for it with extra attention and a couple free desserts. I actually do really respect that and will probably go back because of it. The Tarta Santiago was ok but the the next dessert was much better:

Tarta de Chocolate

This one rocked. It had little chocolate chips on top and was just really damn good. If I'm ever rich and have a wife that married me just for the money I'd eat this for breakfast every day.

The Bill <3

I don't know if I like it when the server puts the little heart by their name because to me it's pretty much like saying, "Yeah, don't forget to tip you cheap bastard". The girl was cute and smiled so I let that one slide.

Taste ------------- (7) Appetizers rocked but paella was sub par
Presentation -----(9) Nice place. Had 2 TVs with the game on.
Price ------------- (5) A bit expensive. $1.75 a toothpick
Availability ----- (4) In Fullerton and maybe somewhere else?
Quantity --------- (7) Lots of food but you paid for it
Service ---------- (8) They made up for forgetting our order
Satisfaction ----- (9) I'll come back but only to drink and snack

The place is not a great restaurant if you want a quite sit down meal with a variety of entree choices or if you hate Eagles cover songs. It is however an awesome place to drink, watch the game, drink, eat appetizers, and drink. I'd definitely go back for the latter.

Sarah's Graduation Party Food (Free!)

Food always tastes better when it's homemade and free unless it's my world famous microwaved quesadillas made with Kraft Singles that everyone always makes fun of me for. Ok, so I'm no chef but my Uncle Dave and Aunt Debbie are. This weekend we celebrated my little cousin Sarah's high school graduation with a party and lots and lots of home cooked food.

My cousin Sarah and the cake

Uncle Dave Mixing the Fettuccine

BBQ Chicken for the Fettuccine

The Homemade Sausage and Peppers Pizza

The first of many of my trips to the counter of food

I kind of just mixed everything together since it all goes to the same place, right? Oh, my Aunt Debbie makes the best Chinese Chicken Salad.

I always enjoy getting together with my alternative universe Mexican family because they're the ones that took care of me and fed me growing up. I've had plenty of dinners with people I couldn't stand and I can tell you that food always tastes better when you're with people you like.

Taste ------------- (10) Friends and Family are the best side dishes
Presentation ---- (10) Great but Uncle Dave needs central air. It gets hot.
Price ------------- (10) The only way it'd be better is if they'd paid me to eat.
Availability ------ (2) I'll have to wait till the next big event.
Quantity --------- (10) Unlimited always has its consequences
Satisfaction ----- (10) Happy as a clam. I never understood that saying.

I stuffed myself to the point of no return because I knew all I had waiting for me at the apartment was shredded wheat and 2 frozen burger patties. I slept good that night.

Maki Sushi - Spicy Pork Combo #57 ($8.95)

The only good thing about working over at my Dad's dry cleaners is I get fed. There's nothing like trying to hold down food after touching a bunch of people's dirty stinky clothes.

One of my favorite things to get is the Spicy Pork Combo #57 from Maki Sushi in Anaheim California:

I like how they advertise "No Skin".

I always eat the combo in order. It goes Tempura first, Rolls second, Spicy Pork and Rice third, and Miso Soup last. I don't eat the Salad because it's way too sweet and I'm a meatatarian.

Mmm... filthy animal

Down the hatch!

Brocolli, Sweet Potato, Shrimp, and Onion Tempura. See mom? I do eat veggies.

The plastic wrapped clothes ensure I don't get soy sauce on everything

Maki Sushi's Spicy Pork Combo #5:
Calories - Bad - Fat - Badder - Sodium - Really Badder - Carbs - Super Badder

I didn't ask for a nutritional guide but that was just my scientific guesstimate.

Taste ------------- (9) Good Stuff! Salad is sweet.
Presentation -----(7) Food looks great.
Price ------------- (6) Awesome portions for the price.
Availability ----- (2) Unless you live by me you wont eat here.
Quantity --------- (9) Great portions. Lots of food.
Satisfaction ----- (9) I always come back for more!

I've never actually been there because my dad picks up the order and gives it to me before he goes home but I picture a huge temple with people banging gigantic drums and lots of chanting and everyone eats on the floor with really cool samurai movies in the background. I don't want to ruin my dream so I'm never going there myself.

Subway's 6'' Tuna Sandwich ($3.89)

Mark Lim - Oh, Jared. Why am I not loosing weight? How the hell did your fat ass lose 240 pounds eating party subs? That drives me nuts.

Here's what I ended up inhaling after stumbling around in the middle of LA at 1:30 in the morning:

The Subway 6'' Tuna Sub with all the fixins

Mine looked like an amputated forearm bleeding mustard

Is there an national olive shortage that I'm not aware of? It looks like the tuna is so grossed out that it's trying to escape my sandwich.

That's my "I'm hammered and need to eat a fistful of mayo" face

I actually CRAVE Subway's Tuna sandwiches and when the urge hits me I have to eat one. It wasn't very pretty but I really liked my meal. I think. I don't remember.

Subway's 6'' Tuna Sandwich:
Calories - 530 - Fat - 31g - Sodium - 1010mg - Carbs - 44

I guess this is the healthiest thing I've eaten for this website so far but a bag of carrot sticks it ain't. To burn this sandwich off I would need to do 45 minutes of continuous jump roping.

Taste ------------- (8) I like me my gooey tuna
Presentation -----(3) Not really that pleasing to the eye
Price ------------- (6) $3.89 for a 6'' isn't too bad
Availability ---- (10) This Subway was open 24 Hours
Quantity --------- (7) It's a decent size
Satisfaction ----- (7) It may be ugly but it filled me up

It all depends which store you get it from. It's a good sandwich. I like it even when I am sober.

Burger King Steakhouse Burger ($4.70)

Mark Lim - The Burger Wars have escalated to epic proportions and companies are now forced to use fancier sounding meats to assure Mutually Assured Deliciousness. Today I tried the Burger King Steakhouse Burger:


That actually looks pretty good. It's got all those tasty crunchy onion pieces and that nice grilled Angus beef. I'm in for a treat!

WRONG.

The grayish boiled looking mystery patty seems to change colors like a chameleon as you look at it from different angles.

Mmm... Lopsided...

My lettuce was spread like the Hawaiian islands with a rare splash of onion straws (which I was hoping to get a plenty of)


Maybe it was because I hadn't eaten all day but the burger actually was pretty good. It looked like I found it in the dumpster but it tasted different from all the other options in the Burger Wars.

After a half an hour or so my stomach started feeling queasy but maybe it was because I ate my multivitamin and it was trying to fight this unhealthy beast.

Here's the nutritional breakdown:

Burger King Steakhouse Burger:
Calories - 970 - Fat - 55g - Sodium - 2190mg - Carbs - 63

HOLY CRAP. Did I just eat that? Oh, man. To burn this burger off I would have to walk vigorously for about 3:30 hours.

Taste ------------- (7) Not too shabby
Presentation -----(2) That was an ugly burger
Price ------------- (3) Almost $5 just for the burger!
Availability ----- (7) Burger Kings don't stay open that late
Quantity --------- (7) It was pretty big
Satisfaction ----- (4) I wasn't hungry but I started feeling sick

Overall this was a decent tasting burger but is about as healthy as eating fried butter. Of course, it's not going to be packed with vitamins but eating one is half your daily caloric intake. Damn, I'm going to be so fat.

Del Taco Cheeseburger ($0.99)

Mark Lim - When I look in my wallet and see 10 singles I don't see money. I see 10 cheeseburgers. (or 17 tacos depending on how south of the border I'm feeling that day) Tonight I decided to splurge and spend a whole 99 cents at Del Taco:

Mmm... Compact and Cheap

Oh, I actually didn't buy the burger. I drove a friend to Del Taco and they bought it for me as a meaty gift. The burger was disgusting. The picture Del Taco had on their website kind of made me sick too.

I must eat to survive!

Del Taco Cheeseburger:
Calories - 330 - Fat - 13g - Sodium - 870mg - Carbs - 37

It would take me 1 hour and 10 minutes of walking to burn off this burger. It's wasn't worth it.

Taste ------------- (2) Gross
Presentation -----(4) Ugly but proportional
Price ------------- (7) Pretty Cheap
Availability ---- (10) Open 24 Hours
Quantity --------- (4) Kind of Small
Satisfaction ----- (1) I was still hungry

Unless you are using this burger as a sponge after a night of heavy drinking stay away from it. Put your 99 cents into a savings account.

I also ate 2 bananas, a couple minute steaks grilled on my George Foreman, and a ham sandwich. I should have taken pictures of them all but I forgot I was starting the blog today. I really do live like a bum.

I was planning on eating only things I saw on TV commercials but that'd probably kill me. Hope you all eat well tonight.