Worst Food Ever

Mark Lim - I've been in a horrible food slump lately. The main portion of my diet consists of hot water mixed with powdered meat flavoring. If you combine that with my lack of human contact from living out in the middle of nowhere, I probably could survive a solo mission to Mars.

There were a few disgusting exceptions to my astronaut like diet but they were all made me queasy. Here's Taco Bell's Black Taco:

I hate their regular tacos and this one tasted exactly like one. The black shell added absolutely no flavor. The only thing I was excited about was to see if it made my stool look like a pipe wrapped in thick electrical tape but alas, it didn't. Yes, I can talk about stool especially if the Black Taco tasted like it.

Next on my Worst Food Ever tour was Panda Express:

I was having a hard time choosing between their brand new heavily marketed Sweet Fire Chicken or their classic Orange Chicken so I asked my server which one she preferred. "Orange Chicken" she said. Then she politely told me that the other one sucked.

Of course now that I knew that it sucked I had to try it. It was pretty nasty. The sauce is fine but the chicken was way over-breaded and cold. I must have gotten the last scoop sitting under the heat lamp because it was oh so very stale.

That's my fake smile. I am also covered in paint.

For our Saturday date night I took my woman to the most romantic casual dinning establishment of them all, Applebees.

I was dying of hunger because we spent a long time at Ross looking at strange chicken figurines and ugly checkered window curtains so I decided to get the super appetizer sampler. It was surprisingly not too bad. The Steak Quesadillas were tasty and the amount of shirmp we got amazed me.

Boring old Chicken Sliders

Enjoying my first night eating at a restaurant in a looooooooooooog time

I was in the mood for something super salty that would kick me right in the face so I ordred Applebee's version of a Reuben sandwich.

It was gross. It gave me acid reflux. It gave me the swine flu. Well, maybe it didn't but a little piece of me died that night. I probably will never eat at Applebees again.

Well that concludes my Wost Food Ever tour. I saw some good burger commercials on TV so it looks like I'll have to break the piggy bank so I can go try them.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Burger King - Angry Tendercrisp ($5.20) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - It took me to another world, a world where burger patties floated in space like stars and french fries grew on swaying trees. I swam in a sea of chicken nuggets and scaled the peaks of onion straw mountains. A tear rolled down my cheek. This was an awesome burger.

I had never seen anything like this at Burger King before. This was a massive mount of meat, bread, and filling. It felt like an Olympic shot put cannon ball stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Burger King usually has THE WORST quality control when it comes to building their burgers but this one exploded with goodness. I present to you Burger King's Angry Tendercrip

I was surprised with the amount of jalapenos, onion straws, and tomatoes they gave me

Stuffed to the gills with all their promised goodies

Enjoying the only Burger King Burger that I've ever loved

Burger King's - Angry Tendercrisp

Taste ------------ (9) It's actually spicy this time! Awesome
Presentation ---(8) Packed but super messy
Price ------------- (8) $5 = Average burger price
Availability ----- (9) Burger King is everywhere
Quantity --------- (9) Surprising amount of tasties
Satisfaction ----- (9) I was very very excited and pleased

Rating: 9 out of 10

Location Location Location. Two weeks ago I moved to a brand new town and their Burger King is so much better than my old Burger King. Check out some of the bad burgers I've had at my old store: Steakhouse - Steakhouse XT - Angry Whopper

I'm so ecstatic about having Fast Food places around me that aren't afraid to pile on the toppings. I'm definitely going to have to treat myself out to lunch more :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Grilled Cheese and Bacon Breakfast Sandwich

Mark Lim - Normally I would just microwave a slice of cheese on a piece of white bread for breakfast but lately I've had the urge to actually cook using fire and oil.

I'm still eating on a budget so I've been trying to make simple meals with the cheapest fattiest ingredients I can find.

I've never made this before but here's my Grilled Cheese and Bacon Breakfast Sandwich:

Deep frying fatty fat fat cheap bacon and coating bread with margarine

Cheesing up some of that crispy burnt bacon so it melts all over the buttery bread

Breakfast and a Heart Attack!

Enjoying my sandwich with my bed head

My nightly cravings are usually filled with Mac and Cheese and Top Ramen. I actually tried to crack an egg into a bowl of noodles and it just made the whole soup yellow. Yuck.

Mac and Cheese 78 Cents at Walmart

Another day another unhealthy meal

Yes, I miss real food. I've been dying to eat something good for a long time. Hopefully I make some good sales this week to feed my blog!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Home Cooked Food

Mark Lim - This is the first meal I cooked in our brand new house. I'm not a very good cook but I wanted to make Lauren dinner since she worked all evening and came home at 1am.

I didn't know how much spaghetti to cook so I used the whole bag, and I almost used two which probably could have serve 12 people.

I also made some sort of cheese bread with bacon which turned out ok.

Anyway, here are the pictures:

Working 4 burners. I smell fire.

Hey! I made bacon!

Food!
Cheesy Bacon Bread

I couldn't find any forks while unpacking so we had to use chopsticks

I promise to get back to eating fatty burgers once we're settled into the new house and I have a little extra money. For now I foresee a lot of Top Ramen and cereal for dinner :) Maybe I'll jazz them up with some bacon.

Here's my dog William choosing what sauce I should use. (I used both because I was craving tomatoes)

Be Fat! Be happy!

Bakers - Boca Burger ($7.50) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - Last Sunday I ate at a place called Baker's in Yucaipa California that boasts the first ever "Twin Kitchen" serving both American and Mexican style food.

For some strange reason I was in a hippie barefoot save the animals kind of mood and decieded to pass on all the greasy burritos and burgers and order a Soy Gluten Boca Burger instead.

When we got home I had accidentally switched bags with my wife and after I saw her juicy meat burger I was instantly disappointed with my hippie choice.

The first thing I noticed with my combo was the MASSIVE amount of fries they give you. I know it doesn't look like it in the picture but they give you a deep heavy bag that could fit two whole potatoes. Unfortunately their fries are no good.

Large bag of fries. Ok sized burger

Bakers uses different buns for their Boca burgers which are dry and dense and tasteless. It would have been much better if they had used the regular buns they put on their meat burgers.

Getting ready to take a bite of soy and glutten

The Boca patty matches too much with the color of the bun and adds no visual flavor at all.

Bakers - Bocca Burger Papa Meal

Taste ------------ (5) Bland but edible
Presentation ---(7) Well built
Price ------------- (5) A little more expensive than a regular burger
Availability ----- (6) 32 stores in So Cal
Quantity --------- (7) Burger is quite small. Plenty of fries but they're gross
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was sad after eating it.

Rating: 6 out of 10

The burger was missing a savory salty flavor. It had Thousand Island dressing on it but there wasn't enough to kick up the bland flavor of the Boca patty. I've had some good garden burgers before and this just isn't one of them.

I won't be getting this a 3rd time.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Cooking on a Budget

Mark Lim - My woman doesn't let me cook anymore because I cut off a chunk of my pinky slicing cucumbers.

I also start fires.

In order to prove to her that I've learned from my mistakes I've filmed my own cooking show.

Now she no longer lets me in the kitchen.

Enjoy!

Burger King - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT ($6.00) Rating: 2

Mark Lim - Before I pulled up to the drive-thru I decided I would let a Burger King employee pick which burger I would eat that day.

I didn't realize how much of a hassle it would be.

Me: "Hi. What burger do you recommend?
BK: "Umm... (10 second pause) Let me talk to my manager."
Me: "Wait! Just tell me what new burgers you have."
BK: "Umm... we have no new burgers."
Me: "Yes you do. I can see them right there.
BK: " Let me get my manager"

As I talked to the manager through the drive-thru speaker I realized that I would have to choose my own destiny. I ended up selecting the Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT which I'm sure they spit on.

You have to play that sound clip when you look at that picture.

I will never forget the great mushroom famine of 2009

Can you really call it a Mushroom and Swiss Burger when they only give you one mushroom?

A disappointed look

My burger screams in pain as I bite into it

Burger King. - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT

Taste ------------ (3) The steakhouse patty is ok. Can't taste much else
Presentation -----(1) Looks like someone made it with their feet
Price ------------- (3) $6 and they don't even give you mushrooms
Quantity --------- (4) It's got a lot of bun
Satisfaction ----- (1) Another disgusting looking cow pie

Rating: 2 out of 10

I don't have too much to say about the Mushroom Swiss Burger other than it's another sad display of indifference. I have worries about future of society when I look at carelessly made burgers. I imagine the same people making my food are the same people putting together cars, doing construction work for buildings, and spawning. The latter scares me the most.

If we can teach our children to take pride in making burgers with lots of mushrooms then maybe in time our world will be a better place. It all has to start somewhere.

Be fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. - Big Carl ($2.71) Rating: 4

Mark Lim - Eating is a full contact sport and sometimes even the best professional consumers get injured.

I needed time to heal so I forced myself to take a break from food blogging for a couple of months because I slowly cultivated a gut that caused me many strange pains all over my body.

But now I'm back and ready to eat! (and exercise as suggested by my doctor)

The first burger on my list was the new Big Carl which was created by Carl's Jr. scientists to obliterate McDonald's Big Mac. In their new commercial they show a side by side comparison of the two burgers favoring the Big Carl.

On planet Earth, the burgers look more like my picture on the right.

McDonald burgers never look amazing but they also never look disgusting. My problem with Carl's Jr. is they dress their food up like fat juicy supermodels and parade them around like celebrities when in reality they look like this:

Thousand Island Vomit

It's a pretty big burger for $2.71 though

Cheesy stalagmites and stalactites

Carl's Jr. - Big Carl

Taste ------------ (3) Missing that tangy sweet Thousand Island flavor
Presentation -----(3) Surprise! It looks nothing like the ad
Price ------------- (7) $2.71 is not a bad deal for the volume
Quantity --------- (8) Quite filling but it was missing flavor
Satisfaction ----- (3) Every bite was like chomping on styrofoam

The size and the value of the burger is decent but the taste was absolutely boring. It's straight meat and cheese with a dollop of dressing. You couldn't even taste the Thousand Island on the burger. I had to google the ingredients to see if it was actually dressing because I was so confused by the blandness.

I'd rather have a Big Mac.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat! ($27.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - The world is filled with epic battles between good and evil. Luke Skywalker fought Darth Vader, Al Gore wages war against Global Warming, and I try to conquer All You Can Eat Sushi Buffets.

My victim last weekend was Shogun Sushi in Yucaipa California. It was a long fight but I came out victorious.

The "Hot Night" Roll - Shrimp Tempura, Roe, Avocado, in a special spicy sauce. By far the favorite of the night. Ordered it twice!

The "Dragon" Roll - Eel and Avocado in a sweet sauce. Always a favorite

A picture of me and my fiance preparing for our sushi battle

Spicy Salmon Roll with Raw Salmon, Jalapenos, and a spicy sauce. It wasn't very flavorful and a little too hot. I didn't like it too much.

Crunch Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and little crunch toppers in a sweet sauce. Good texture.

Another Tempura Roll and a Cream Cheese Roll. The Cream Cheese Roll had raw salmon, crab meat, and avocado. I think there was too much cream cheese. I've had better versions elsewhere.

The "Vegas" Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and Cucumber battered and deep fried. It was too startchy and lacked flavor. The hip name and apperance threw me for a loop. This was probably the most disappointing roll I've ever had.

Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat Sushi Buffet

Taste ------------ (8) There are some great rolls but a couple misses
Presentation -----(7) The plating was appetizing
Price ------------- (5) I've been to better places for $27
Quantity --------- (8) They charge double if you don't finish
Satisfaction ----- (6) You leave full but it's probably better to order single rolls instead of the buffet

I enjoyed myself at Shogun Sushi but there were harsh rules that had to be followed while eating all you could.

The first rule was if you had any left overs they would charge you double the price. I got to the point where I couldn't shove any more food down my throat and still had an entire 8 piece sushi left. It took all my strength and will power to finish and it made me sick.

The second rule was you only had 1 hour to eat so I was frantically ordering as much as I could and didn't get to slowly savor the sushi.

Overall I thought it was pretty good food but I wouldn't get the All You Can Eat for $27 again. It's much more relaxing and cost effective to order each roll separately. We were full after about $40 worth of sushi but our greediness forced us to eat a nauseous $80 worth.

If you're ever in Yucaipa and want to try Shogun Sushi, here is the address:

Shogun Sushi
33527 Yucaipa Blvd # 0
Yucaipa, CA 92399-2029
(909) 790-4778

Be Fat! Be Happy!