Burger King: Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger ($6.00) Rating: 3

Mark Lim - Yay! Burger King's has found a way to add more crap inside a bun just in time for Halloween!

Yes, the Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger with mystery sauce and onion straws is the perfect burger to have if you've ever swallowed poison and need help regurgitating to save your life.

What they tell you it looks like:

What it actually looks like:

Look! It's trying to say something! "KILL ME NOW"

The good thing about these BK Steakhouse burgers is if you get angry and decide to throw it against the wall it'll look exactly the same.


Burger King - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger

Calories - 970 - Fat -55g - Sodium - 2190mg - Carbs - 63g

Taste ------------ (3) (Insert Puke Noise)
Presentation -----(1) Another gross BK creation
Price ------------- (3) $4-$5 C'mon. It's just not worth it.
Availability ----- (8) Lots of them around
Quantity --------- (3) It's a pretty small burger
Satisfaction ----- (1) That was nasty and all sorts of wrong

Rating: 3 out of 10

The Burger King Steakhouse family of burgers is by far the worst of the worst especially in the aesthetics department. My first BK specialty burger was the Loaded Steakhouse and I swore never to eat another one again but here I am 5 months later getting suckered into eat a Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse and I'm pissed.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lock me up because I've lost my will to live.

It's gross. Please avoid.

Asia Buffet: ($15.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - Asia Buffet is a place where you can inhale 5lbs of shrimp and no one will judge you. They won't cut you off because they're afraid you'll get mercury poisoning like at Red Lobster, no no. It's a fat man's heaven.

The first plate I always get includes a sample of their sushi and sashimi.

It's never very good but quantity always beats quality at this buffet.

A picture of me on top of the food chain

Crab legs, Shrimp, and Calamari

Soft Shelled Crab and some sort of beef thing

A Soft Serve Frozen Yogurt for dessert

Asia Buffet: Random Seafood Crap

Taste ------------ (6) Not so great but lots of it
Presentation ---(6) I get creeped out eating water insects
Price ------------- (7) $15 = All you can eat
Availability ----- (4) Not many around
Quantity --------- (9) Lots of food and lots to choose from
Satisfaction ----- (7) It's a buffet. Go nuts.

Rating: 7 out of 10

If an extravagant Vegas buffet is a 10 and the Sizzler Salad Bar is a 1 then Asia buffet would be ranked a high mid-level all you can eat restaurant. It's always packed when I go so that's a good sign that the food gets changed or at least stirred around often. I guess that also means there's a higher chance someone spit on my crab legs.

Oh, well. It's a decent place to go when I feel like being a pig.

Tommy's: Triple Chili Cheese Burger and Chili Cheese Fries ($9) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - It's a scientific fact that when you eat a World Famous Original Tommy's Mega Combo Meal your life span is reduced by 2 years. I think they make you sign a waiver when you order one but it's totally worth it.

As soon as you unwrap the Triple Cheese Burger from it's greasy translucent paper your entire body will be covered in their world famous Chili. It kind of just explodes on you like your heart does after you eat it. Mmm...

If I were on death row and they asked me what I wanted for my last meal it would definitely involve Tommy's. I'd probably eat two and say, "Woo hoo! Strap me up to the chair, I'm done!"

Once you pick up the burger it's hard to put down. You have to eat as fast as you can or it will just melt all over your clothes.

I think they crumble little Prozac pills into the cheese because I always feel happy after eating one.

Isn't it awesomely disgusting?

If you're on the fence about becoming a vegetarian you have to eat one. It'll convince you to join the dark side.

Tommy's - Triple Chili Cheese Burger & Chili Fries

Taste ------------ (9) So greasy and delicious
Presentation ---(8) It's got that old timey burger stand feel
Price ------------- (8) $9 = Burger, Fries, Drink
Availability ----- (7) Based in California, expanding to Nevada
Quantity --------- (8) Oh so good Oh so fat
Satisfaction ----- (9) You won't want to eat for the rest of the day

Rating: 9 out of 10

When I think of Tommy's I think of everything that's wrong with America. We are all so gluttonous, fat, and greedy. We have no boundaries, etiquette, or self control. We want everything and anything in sight and I dig it.

Beach Pit: Tri-Tip w/Mac & Cheese + Cornbread ($17) Rating: 4

Mark Lim - If you're craving real southern wood smoked BBQ and don't care much about how your food tastes then The Beach Pit is the perfect place for you! The Beach Pit is an overpriced BBQ joint that tries to make up for it's sub par food with a nice decor.

I had the Tri-tip with Macaroni & Cheese and Blueberry Cornbread for $17. Ha

Ain't she pretty?

The presentation of the food looks so horrible. It looks like a Frankenstein leftover meal someone threw on a plate and then microwaved. $17? Are you kidding me? No, really. Are you seriously kidding me?

Trying to smile but very disappointed.

The salad was actually pretty good and looked well prepared but I didn't go to a BBQ place to eat vegetables.

Here's another picture of their BBQ-Ala-Half-Assed

The blueberry cornbread was great but was salty because of the tears of disappointment I was crying.

The sweet potato fries were also pretty good but doesn't make up for the lack of good meat.

The Mac & Cheese wasn't bad but I could have boiled a box at home.

Beach Pit - Tri-Tip + Mac & Cheese + Cornbread

Taste ------------ (4) I was so crushed. The BBQ wasn't very good
Presentation ---(4) The place was nicely decorated but my plate wasn't.
Price ------------- (2) $17 covered Tri-Tip, Mac & Cheese and Cornbread. Not worth it.
Availability ----- (5) There a few locations near Angels Stadium
Quantity --------- (4) Bleh
Satisfaction ----- (3) Not worth it at all. Spend $5 more and go somewhere else.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Maybe I'm being too harsh on this place but I expected so much. It's like being told that there's no BBQ Santa Clause. It crushed my heart. If they just cut their price to about $9 their score would have doubled. I'm going to try this place one more time just to make sure there wasn't some sort of meat crisis going on and they had to serve me yesterdays leftovers. Wish me luck.

Homemade: Steak and Mushrooms ($3.00)

Mark Lim - Fattening up for winter is harder and quite a bit more expensive than I thought so I've been buying discount meat and cooking it at home like people did in the Depression. Mmm... horse...

I never seem to get it to cook right and probably have some sort of worm living in my stomach because of undercooked meat.

I've also decided to grow a beard as a social experiment to see if they still card me when I go watch a rated R movie.

I've gotten to the point where I'm so sick of steak that I make that "bleuhhh" sound whenever I smell meat cooking.

No one ever taught me how to cook so I've kind of just been experimenting all my life. There have been a few grease fires and second degree burns but I think I'm getting better.

I'll probably be dinning out more the next couple weeks just for my own safety. I've been so out of it lately but I'm coming back around so I'll be able to update this blog. I hope everyone is doing well :)

Claim Jumper: Filet Mignon & Australian Lobster Tail ($70.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - How can the ugliest sea monster on Earth have the most delicious tail? The answer is: Butter. Lots and lots of butter. Slathered like sunscreen on a pale old woman at the beach. Mmm...

Last night I ate at a Claim Jumpers and if you don't have one in your area the quality is a few steps above T.G.I. Fridays and a couple below that restaurant where they kick you out for wearing sandals and greet you by saying, "Heeeelllleeeooooowww".

I started the meal off with Parmesan Onion Rings the size of dog collars:


I guess I only have fast food onion rings to compare them to but these were pretty awesome.


The lobster tail looked like it had popped right out of an infected alien host:


It was really good. I love lobster. Normally I go to these places with the tiny little lobster tails sliced in half but this one was plump and pillow like. It rocked.

Enjoying my tasty meal.

The Filet Mignon wasn't very good. I had it Medium Rare and the meat didn't have that meaty-goodness flavor. I was actually disappointed.


The Potato Cakes were killer. They were flaky and soft at the same time and had a terrific sauce. They saved my meal.


I ended dinner with a Sundae served in a schooner. Horrible. It was the weirdest tasting ice cream I've had. Half of it was whipped cream and chocolate sauce. No good. Avoid if you ever eat here.

Claim Jumper - Filet Mignon & Australian Lobster Tail + Onion Rings:

Taste ------------ (7) Lobster was great, Filet Mignon wasn't
Presentation ---(8) It was pretty to look at
Price ------------- (3) $70.00 - Expensive
Availability ----- (6) 45 Restaurants around the country
Quantity --------- (7) Lobster was big, steak was small
Satisfaction ----- (8) Pants unbuckling satisfaction

Rating: 7 out of 10

There was about an hour wait before I was seated but the good service made up for it. Decent meal overall but would have been an amazing one if it were $10 bucks cheaper.

Maki Grill - Korean BBQ Combo and Tofu ($15.00) Rating: 8

Mark Lim - Oink! Oink! I'm actually getting fat! Woo hoo!!! I hopped on the scale this morning and it looks like I put on 3lbs. I assume it's all muscle and brain matter though... I've actually been dining out a lot this month and going to parties and filling up on whatever free food I can stuff in my face. My cravings have been so bad that I'm usually halfway done with my meal before I remember that I'm supposed to take pictures of everything.

I started exercising and trying not to think heavy thoughts this week to battle all that brain weight I've been gaining. I run in the afternoons and do some weight lifting at night and have been trying to watch what I'm eating. Totally no fun. I'm my own fat camp counselor.

On Monday I decided to treat myself to a little Japanese/Korean fusion to go. There's a place called Maki Grill in Anaheim that mixes a lot of Japanese cuisine with Korean cuisine. It's really quite good.

I ordered the Korean BBQ Combo with a side order of Deep Fried Tofu:


The combo comes with lots of different little treats for you to sample that will help you jump start your amazing journey to Coronary Artery Disease Land! Oink! Oink!


I love Korean BBQ but it's actually quite annoying because of the 3 eye shaped bones in every slice. It's impossible to eat in public because you need a paring knife to dig out all the wonderful juicy bits. That's why I like eating it at home with my hands. I'm usually covered in meaty goodness by the end of the meal.

The combo includes a medley of Tempura pieces. There's shrimp, green bean, onion, and yam. All battered and deep fried. Awesome.


The California Rolls are never that amazing but it's a nice change of pace to a greasy meal.


Every Korean meal comes with a side of Kimchi. Kimchi is usually made with spicy pickled cabbage and other vegetables.


Tofu is made by coagulating soy milk and pressing the curds into blocks. Sounds good, huh?


Oh you fat fat boy. When will you learn?


Maki Grill - Korean BBQ Combo + Deep Fried Tofu:

Most Asian restaurants won't have nutritional menus because they dishonor our family so I can't provide that to you this time.

Taste ------------ (8) I like me greasy salty deep fried yummies
Presentation ---(7) The food looks pretty good.
Price ------------- (5) $15.00 - Kind of expensive but I was full
Availability ----- (3) Probably not a lot around. I've seen a few though
Quantity --------- (8) It's a ton of food
Satisfaction ----- (8) I might have had room for a Banana Split... mmm....

Rating: 8 out of 10

Have a lovely rest of the week!

Taco Bell - Queso Crunchwrap ($3.00) Rating: 5

Mark Lim - I've been trying really really hard not to eat fast food lately because it's been making me sick. I've lost about 10lbs after starting this site because seeing the crap I ingest kind of grosses me out. I've been yo-yo-ing around 5lbs because I get so bored at night that I need the warm hug of a midnight snack to put me to bed.

One of the places open really late at night is Taco Bell so I went to try one of their newest "entrees" called the Queso Crunchwrap:


It's basically a tostada wrapped up in a tortilla. I have some East Coast friends that have no clue what a taco, tostada, or a tortilla is is so I'll explain. It's the Mexican version of a ham sandwich. You got that?


Taco Bell food is all the same. They just change the shape of the item and slap a new name on it. They added one different ingredient to the Queso Crunchwrap and that's a "fresh" salsa. They normally just squeeze a reddish goo into their items but they use a salsa with tomatoes, onions, and cilantro for this one:


I hate cilantro and onions. I loathe them. When I order food I lie and say I'm allergic to them so they make sure not to put any in my food.


They actually don't have this item on their nutritional guide. I'm not sure why they don't but they have the regular Crunchwrap on there so I assume they're pretty similar.

Taco Bell - Queso Crunchwrap:

Calories - 560 - Fat - 24g - Sodium - 1430mg - Carbs - 68g

It's actually not horribly unhealthy meal. Chew a couple Flinstones Vitamins with it and you'll be fine.

Taste ------------ (3) I like the regular Crunchwrap Supreme better
Presentation ---(5) It's a hexagon and has clean corners
Price ------------- (8) $2.50 -$3 Pretty affordable
Availability ----- (9) Lots of Taco Bells and they're open late
Quantity --------- (7) It's a decent amount of food for the price
Satisfaction ----- (5) I'm still pretty hungry after I eat one

Rating: 5 out of 10

Taco Bell's advertising for their line of Crunchwraps focuses not on the taste of the food but by how "portable" it is. It's a really weird ad campaign. It's like advertising a lawn mower and instead of showing you how it cuts grass they keep telling you how easily it fits in your garage. I've gotten the regular Crunchwrap about half a dozen times this month and prefer it much more than the Queso version. Getting fat is fun.

Wendy's Triple Stack + Potato ($8.50) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - "Why are manhole covers round?" This was an actual question Microsoft asked in job interviews to psychologically assess their applicants. While there are many correct answers there is only one correct answer to why Wendy's hamburger patties are square.

The Answer: Because they are delicious.


Wendy's doesn't get caught up in the Burger Wars like the other Fast Food places. There's no need for prime rib, Angus, black Angus, Kobe, sirloin, rump, or some sort of space aged non-stick meat. They just use square regular meat patties and it's surprisingly edible.

So far this has been my favorite burger. My roommate agrees because we went to get him one after I finished mine.

Lettuce didn't quite survive the trip home but everything else was just fine

The other cool thing about Wendy's is that they have other weird stuff on their menu like bowls of chili and baked potatoes. The one I got kind of looked more like a potato chowder but it was damn good.

There! I ate my vegetables for the week, Mom!

Wendy's Triple Stack:

Calories - 980 - Fat - 60g - Sodium - 2010mg - Carbs - 43g

Yeah, unhealthy like the rest but damn it was good!

Taste ------------ (9) That meat was deliciously square
Presentation -----(7) It wasn't pretty but it was big!
Price ------------- (7) $4-$5 is ok for a burger this tasty
Availability ----- (6) Haven't seen too many Wendy's around
Quantity --------- (9) That was a lot of food.
Satisfaction ----- (9) Wendy's hits the spot

Rating: 9 out of 10

The Wendy's Triple Stack is my new favorite burger. No fancy gimmicks. Just a good burger.

Korean BBQ - ($20) - Rating: 8

Mark Lim - When I ask people to join me for Korean BBQ the usual response I get is, "So, I pay $20 and I have to cook the food myself? That's ridiculous!"


Part of the "salad" (and I use the term loosley) bar contains all the traditional Korean appetizers like kim Chi, pickled vegetables, and fishy things.


The other part of the bar won't contain your normal hot wings and stale pizzas. It'll have dozens of kinds of raw meat for you to cook on your table top grill.

Enjoying some appetizers while the meats cook

A plate of raw goodies

Meat in progress

Closer shot of the appetizers

Mom and dad work the grill cause I can't cook

The weird thing about the place is that they don't label their meat so it's kind of a gamble when you put a pile on your plate. You don't know what animal or part of the animal it came from. That's probably for the best. Don't be scared though. It's a lot of fun! I can barely boil water and I like it so I'm sure you will too :)

Rating: 8 out of 10