The Farm House - 2lb Burger Challenge

Mark Lim - One of my dreams is to have my picture framed and displayed on a steakhouse wall. I want strangers to admire it and say, "Wow. That guy ate a chunk of meat the size of a hubcap in under 12 minutes."

Alas, I have yet to find a place to challenge my cholesterol cravings. The Farm House in Beaumont California did have a unique offer though. If you can eat their 2lbs of meat burger you win a free cookie. I had to do it. I must not dishonor my family.

"The Justin Burger"

Check out those two 1lb beef patties covered in cheese. Mmmm...

Here's how big it is relative to my head, and remember my head is gigantic.

Needless to say I finished the burger and the waitress was so impressed that she gave me an extra cookie. I didn't stop there though. I had to try Lauren's Chili Cheese Omelette.

Mmm... overindulgence...

Overall it was a pretty good experience. The Farm House is one of the most interesting places I've ever eaten. There's even a giant chicken statue outside

If you guys are ever in Beaumont California I suggest you try it out! It's my new favorite restaurant, and not just because I live in the middle of nowhere.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Jack in the Box - Jumbo Deal ($3.50) - Rating: 6

Mark Lim - What's more appealing to you, an 8 ounce tin of Beluga Caviar or 1,708 deep fried beef tacos? How about a slice of finely marbled Kobe Beef Steak or 300 cheese-less Jumbo Jacks? Would you rather drink a bottle of 1787 Chateau d'Expensive or 8,547 gallons of Sprite?

This is what Jack in the Box asks with its $3.49 Jumbo Deal. Quantity or Quality? That's the question.

I hate to say it but in most situations I lean towards value over taste. This probably explains why I subject myself to mass amounts of fast food and discount meats.

The Jumbo Deal from Jack in the Box consists of: A Jumbo Jack (No Cheese), Two Fried Beef Tacos, a Small French Fry, and a Small Drink for $3.50. By purchasing all of these together you save about 50 cents which makes this a pretty rockin deal if you've got kids, a mortgage, and a car payment.

Quality: The Jumbo Jack is a sad looking burger but it does try pretty hard by adding tomatoes and lettuce which are the "truffles" of the Dollar Menu world.

The Tacos are an acquired taste. They have a strange texture which I can only describe as crispy soggy. The beef is mixed with a soy filling to help it keep the consistency and flavor of dog food.

Jack in the Box - Jumbo Deal ($3.50)

Taste ------------ (6) Better than your average Dollar Menu
Presentation ---(4) A heaping pile of food, Soup Kitchen style
Price ------------- (9) $3.50 = Best deal in town
Availability ----- (8) A promotion that won't last too much longer
Quantity --------- (8) That's a lot of bang for your buck
Satisfaction ----- (7) Full but not satisfied

Rating: 6 out of 10

If you find yourself starving and digging in your car seats and couch cushions for money then the Jack in the Box Jumbo Deal is for you. If you've got what rich people call, "Paper Money" I suggest you purchase something more delicious.

I do commend Jack in the Box for for giving you the most bang for your buck out of any of the fast food chains. They realize that the backbone of their sales are drunken college students who want to eat something greasy and salty after last call to soak up all the alcohol poisoning.

By staying open late nights and providing affordable meals they are technically saving lives of the drunk and homeless. Thank you Jack in the Box.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Big Mac Snack Wrap - Rating: 4

Mark Lim - The way I see it is the Big Mac is a rich white college kid from the suburbs who befriends a Mexican Pizza in his Chicano studies class.

One day the Mexican Pizza invites the Big Mac to a house party on the other side of town and he begrudgingly decides to go. While there he is shunned by the Tostadas and Menudos and realizes that he'll never be able to cross the cultural lines until he meets a saucy young Bean Burrito who shows him the ways of her people.

They spend one passionate night inside a brown paper bag and 9 months later we have the Big Mac Snack Wrap.

Highland Avenue meets Olvera Street

Half of a Big Mac patty + Fixins = Big Mac Snack Wrap

I ate 3 of these for you

The Snack Wrap does taste like a Big Mac with their signature sauce/pickles/onions/and McDonald's "beef" patty but there just isn't much value for your money. It has about 1/5th of the meat a Big Mac and costs almost $2.00. You're really losing out on this deal.

Another problem is that McDonalds hasn't quite perfected the Tortilla process. Places like Taco Bell fill their tortillas with warm fillings which in turn keeps the tortillas soft and tasty. McDonald's Big Mac patties are never hot so their Snack Wraps Tortillas immedietly become cold and disgusting.

There are no new ingredients. It's just gimmick packaging.

PROS:

- Tastes like Big Mac
- Clean and easy to eat
- Less carbs
- "Healthier" than a Big Mac

CONS:

- Way less value. Not enough Meat and Cheese
- The Tortilla tastes disgusting when cold
- Too expensive

McDonald's - Big Mac Snack Wrap

Taste ------------ (6) It's got that Big Mac flavor
Presentation ---(4) Not a pretty sight. At least it's clean
Price ------------- (2) $2 = Rip Off
Availability ----- (7) Probably just testing it. It'll be gone soon
Quantity --------- (2) No enough Meat or Cheese
Satisfaction ----- (3) I felt insulted

Rating: 4 out of 10

Is it horrible tasting? No. Is it the worst thing on their menu? No. Will I be getting this again? Most likely not.

I'm just waiting for the McRib Snack Wrap.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Worst Food Ever

Mark Lim - I've been in a horrible food slump lately. The main portion of my diet consists of hot water mixed with powdered meat flavoring. If you combine that with my lack of human contact from living out in the middle of nowhere, I probably could survive a solo mission to Mars.

There were a few disgusting exceptions to my astronaut like diet but they were all made me queasy. Here's Taco Bell's Black Taco:

I hate their regular tacos and this one tasted exactly like one. The black shell added absolutely no flavor. The only thing I was excited about was to see if it made my stool look like a pipe wrapped in thick electrical tape but alas, it didn't. Yes, I can talk about stool especially if the Black Taco tasted like it.

Next on my Worst Food Ever tour was Panda Express:

I was having a hard time choosing between their brand new heavily marketed Sweet Fire Chicken or their classic Orange Chicken so I asked my server which one she preferred. "Orange Chicken" she said. Then she politely told me that the other one sucked.

Of course now that I knew that it sucked I had to try it. It was pretty nasty. The sauce is fine but the chicken was way over-breaded and cold. I must have gotten the last scoop sitting under the heat lamp because it was oh so very stale.

That's my fake smile. I am also covered in paint.

For our Saturday date night I took my woman to the most romantic casual dinning establishment of them all, Applebees.

I was dying of hunger because we spent a long time at Ross looking at strange chicken figurines and ugly checkered window curtains so I decided to get the super appetizer sampler. It was surprisingly not too bad. The Steak Quesadillas were tasty and the amount of shirmp we got amazed me.

Boring old Chicken Sliders

Enjoying my first night eating at a restaurant in a looooooooooooog time

I was in the mood for something super salty that would kick me right in the face so I ordred Applebee's version of a Reuben sandwich.

It was gross. It gave me acid reflux. It gave me the swine flu. Well, maybe it didn't but a little piece of me died that night. I probably will never eat at Applebees again.

Well that concludes my Wost Food Ever tour. I saw some good burger commercials on TV so it looks like I'll have to break the piggy bank so I can go try them.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Burger King - Angry Tendercrisp ($5.20) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - It took me to another world, a world where burger patties floated in space like stars and french fries grew on swaying trees. I swam in a sea of chicken nuggets and scaled the peaks of onion straw mountains. A tear rolled down my cheek. This was an awesome burger.

I had never seen anything like this at Burger King before. This was a massive mount of meat, bread, and filling. It felt like an Olympic shot put cannon ball stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Burger King usually has THE WORST quality control when it comes to building their burgers but this one exploded with goodness. I present to you Burger King's Angry Tendercrip

I was surprised with the amount of jalapenos, onion straws, and tomatoes they gave me

Stuffed to the gills with all their promised goodies

Enjoying the only Burger King Burger that I've ever loved

Burger King's - Angry Tendercrisp

Taste ------------ (9) It's actually spicy this time! Awesome
Presentation ---(8) Packed but super messy
Price ------------- (8) $5 = Average burger price
Availability ----- (9) Burger King is everywhere
Quantity --------- (9) Surprising amount of tasties
Satisfaction ----- (9) I was very very excited and pleased

Rating: 9 out of 10

Location Location Location. Two weeks ago I moved to a brand new town and their Burger King is so much better than my old Burger King. Check out some of the bad burgers I've had at my old store: Steakhouse - Steakhouse XT - Angry Whopper

I'm so ecstatic about having Fast Food places around me that aren't afraid to pile on the toppings. I'm definitely going to have to treat myself out to lunch more :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Grilled Cheese and Bacon Breakfast Sandwich

Mark Lim - Normally I would just microwave a slice of cheese on a piece of white bread for breakfast but lately I've had the urge to actually cook using fire and oil.

I'm still eating on a budget so I've been trying to make simple meals with the cheapest fattiest ingredients I can find.

I've never made this before but here's my Grilled Cheese and Bacon Breakfast Sandwich:

Deep frying fatty fat fat cheap bacon and coating bread with margarine

Cheesing up some of that crispy burnt bacon so it melts all over the buttery bread

Breakfast and a Heart Attack!

Enjoying my sandwich with my bed head

My nightly cravings are usually filled with Mac and Cheese and Top Ramen. I actually tried to crack an egg into a bowl of noodles and it just made the whole soup yellow. Yuck.

Mac and Cheese 78 Cents at Walmart

Another day another unhealthy meal

Yes, I miss real food. I've been dying to eat something good for a long time. Hopefully I make some good sales this week to feed my blog!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Home Cooked Food

Mark Lim - This is the first meal I cooked in our brand new house. I'm not a very good cook but I wanted to make Lauren dinner since she worked all evening and came home at 1am.

I didn't know how much spaghetti to cook so I used the whole bag, and I almost used two which probably could have serve 12 people.

I also made some sort of cheese bread with bacon which turned out ok.

Anyway, here are the pictures:

Working 4 burners. I smell fire.

Hey! I made bacon!

Food!
Cheesy Bacon Bread

I couldn't find any forks while unpacking so we had to use chopsticks

I promise to get back to eating fatty burgers once we're settled into the new house and I have a little extra money. For now I foresee a lot of Top Ramen and cereal for dinner :) Maybe I'll jazz them up with some bacon.

Here's my dog William choosing what sauce I should use. (I used both because I was craving tomatoes)

Be Fat! Be happy!