Carl's Jr. - Big Carl ($2.71) Rating: 4

Mark Lim - Eating is a full contact sport and sometimes even the best professional consumers get injured.

I needed time to heal so I forced myself to take a break from food blogging for a couple of months because I slowly cultivated a gut that caused me many strange pains all over my body.

But now I'm back and ready to eat! (and exercise as suggested by my doctor)

The first burger on my list was the new Big Carl which was created by Carl's Jr. scientists to obliterate McDonald's Big Mac. In their new commercial they show a side by side comparison of the two burgers favoring the Big Carl.

On planet Earth, the burgers look more like my picture on the right.

McDonald burgers never look amazing but they also never look disgusting. My problem with Carl's Jr. is they dress their food up like fat juicy supermodels and parade them around like celebrities when in reality they look like this:

Thousand Island Vomit

It's a pretty big burger for $2.71 though

Cheesy stalagmites and stalactites

Carl's Jr. - Big Carl

Taste ------------ (3) Missing that tangy sweet Thousand Island flavor
Presentation -----(3) Surprise! It looks nothing like the ad
Price ------------- (7) $2.71 is not a bad deal for the volume
Quantity --------- (8) Quite filling but it was missing flavor
Satisfaction ----- (3) Every bite was like chomping on styrofoam

The size and the value of the burger is decent but the taste was absolutely boring. It's straight meat and cheese with a dollop of dressing. You couldn't even taste the Thousand Island on the burger. I had to google the ingredients to see if it was actually dressing because I was so confused by the blandness.

I'd rather have a Big Mac.

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Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat! ($27.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - The world is filled with epic battles between good and evil. Luke Skywalker fought Darth Vader, Al Gore wages war against Global Warming, and I try to conquer All You Can Eat Sushi Buffets.

My victim last weekend was Shogun Sushi in Yucaipa California. It was a long fight but I came out victorious.

The "Hot Night" Roll - Shrimp Tempura, Roe, Avocado, in a special spicy sauce. By far the favorite of the night. Ordered it twice!

The "Dragon" Roll - Eel and Avocado in a sweet sauce. Always a favorite

A picture of me and my fiance preparing for our sushi battle

Spicy Salmon Roll with Raw Salmon, Jalapenos, and a spicy sauce. It wasn't very flavorful and a little too hot. I didn't like it too much.

Crunch Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and little crunch toppers in a sweet sauce. Good texture.

Another Tempura Roll and a Cream Cheese Roll. The Cream Cheese Roll had raw salmon, crab meat, and avocado. I think there was too much cream cheese. I've had better versions elsewhere.

The "Vegas" Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and Cucumber battered and deep fried. It was too startchy and lacked flavor. The hip name and apperance threw me for a loop. This was probably the most disappointing roll I've ever had.

Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat Sushi Buffet

Taste ------------ (8) There are some great rolls but a couple misses
Presentation -----(7) The plating was appetizing
Price ------------- (5) I've been to better places for $27
Quantity --------- (8) They charge double if you don't finish
Satisfaction ----- (6) You leave full but it's probably better to order single rolls instead of the buffet

I enjoyed myself at Shogun Sushi but there were harsh rules that had to be followed while eating all you could.

The first rule was if you had any left overs they would charge you double the price. I got to the point where I couldn't shove any more food down my throat and still had an entire 8 piece sushi left. It took all my strength and will power to finish and it made me sick.

The second rule was you only had 1 hour to eat so I was frantically ordering as much as I could and didn't get to slowly savor the sushi.

Overall I thought it was pretty good food but I wouldn't get the All You Can Eat for $27 again. It's much more relaxing and cost effective to order each roll separately. We were full after about $40 worth of sushi but our greediness forced us to eat a nauseous $80 worth.

If you're ever in Yucaipa and want to try Shogun Sushi, here is the address:

Shogun Sushi
33527 Yucaipa Blvd # 0
Yucaipa, CA 92399-2029
(909) 790-4778

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Carl's Jr - Teriyaki Burger ($6.00) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - It's summer time again and Carl's Jr. has found the perfect combination of meat, fruit, and side boob to sell their oldie but goodie Teriyaki Burger.

Yes, they've gone back to their roots of having hot chicks eat meat all sexy like. Whenever I see the commercial with Audrina from The Hills chewing on a big fat one all the blood rushes from my brain to my hypothalamus, the part of the brain that controls hunger.

Yeah right.

I really wished the burger looked like it did on the commercial but it's not the ugliest thing I've seen. You should check out Carl's Prime Rib Burger. Now that one looks like horse vomit.

Padma Lakshmi and I share a moment

I had my doubts going in because I've been let down by pretty much every Carl's burger I've had but this one was actually pretty tasty. It wasn't too sweet like the Kentucky Bourbon Burger. The pineapples were very savory and the teriyaki sauce didn't taste like eating 4 packs of Splenda.

Carl's Jr: Teriyaki Burger

Taste ------------ (9) Very good. Great combo
Presentation -----(7) It aint winning no beauty pageants
Price ------------- (6) $6 is almost worth it.
Quantity --------- (8) It was a good size
Satisfaction ----- (9) I quite enjoyed it.

Rating: 9 out of 10

This is definitely one of the few good burgers at Carl's Jr. that doesn't look or taste like excrement. The pineapples and teriyaki sauce complemented the burger and brought a hint of sweetness, savoriness, tanginess, juiciness, and texture to my mouth.

This was pretty damn good and I'd definitely get it again. Boobs.

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Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches ($3.99) Rating: 5

Mark Lim - Burger technology has advanced leaps and bounds over the past couple months. Gone are the ways of the big greasy bacon packed behemoths of yesteryear. Mini is in.

Much like cellphones and trendy dogs, burgers have gotten smaller and smaller. The new mini on the market is the Jack in the Box Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich:

3 Pack of Mini-ness

I actually like the concept of the Mini Burger. They're small and neatly put together. It's easier to portion out if you want to save some for later and they're much cleaner to eat.

Sampling a baby burger

Jack's Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches aren't very good. The patty is just slightly larger than a dinosaur chicken nugget and tastes just as good as a microwaved one. If they had used quality meat from their chicken fingers it would have been a much better burger.

Acrobatic Mini Burgers

Another thing that disturbs me about the burger is the amount of Frank's Red Hot Sauce they put on them. I like hot sauce in small quantities but sometimes they drench the entire sandwich in it ruining the flavor.

Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich

Taste ------------ (5) Too much sauce not enough chicken
Presentation -----(6) They look ok. Nothing to brag about
Price ------------- (6) $3.99? I can get 4 double cheese burgers for that
Quantity --------- (5) The key word here is "Mini"
Satisfaction ----- (4) Naw, not going to get this again

Eh, I expected way too much. I actually really liked their Mini Sirloin Burgers but their Mini Chickens are pretty gross. Steer clear, Cowboy.

Oh, I'll leave you with this video of me trying to fit them into my mouth:

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McDonalds - Angus Mushroom Burger ($5.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - Late January I banned all personal consumption of McDonalds after I was tricked into purchasing 2 Big Macs which I later "refunded" into a porcelain receptical.

It's been 5 months so last week I lifted the restriction and got myself a McDonalds 1/3 Pounder Angus Mushroom Burger. They're actually quite good.

Not a bad looking burger.

Looks like someone chewed it for me! Thanks!

Ugly but tastes fine.

McDonalds - Angus Mushroom Burger

Taste ------------ (7) The mushroomy taste came out just right
Presentation -----(6) Pretty with it's bread hat on but disgusting with it off
Price ------------- (5) $5 is a little expensive for this kind of burger
Quantity --------- (6) It hit the spot
Satisfaction ----- (7) Definitely much better than I thought it was going to be

Usually McDonalds burgers look like a bum used it as a pillow before being served but I was quite surprised because the Angus Mushroom Burger looked edible.. When I lifted the hood it did look pretty bad though but I've kind of learned to expect that from all fast food chains.

The taste was nice and clean. The McDonalds mushrooms had a better flavor than Carl's Portobello Burger which really blew me away. The cheese wasn't bad either and the burger patty wasn't greasy and disgusting. I would definitely get this burger again.

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Claim Jumpers - Frisco Burger ($10.00) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - Before my Frisco Burger came I polished off a Mozzarella Cheese Stick, a Southwest Eggroll, 6 Onion Rings, a Loaded Potato Skin, a Buffalo Wing, a Fried Zucchini, a half boat of Ranch Dressing, and some pieces of Artichoke. If I wasn't with family I would have been quite embarrassed.

This was a critical error because by the time my burger was ready I was already in a food coma.

The Monstrous Appetizer Combo

What made me realize that I actually really really liked Claim Jumper's Frisco Burger was that even after gorging myself on half of the monster appetizer plate I was still able to eat most of my meal.

The Frisco Burger might not be for everyone because it has a little sweet in it. My mother thought it was disgusting because it tasted like candy but I loved it.

The Frisco Burger consists of a wonderful Emmenthaler Swiss cheese on a burger patty cooked to your liking with lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes covered with 1000 Island dressing all wrapped up in a grilled parmesan sourdough. It was delicious even when my stomach was already about to explode.

Claim Jumpers - Frisco Burger

Taste ------------ (9) The flavors all worked together perfectly
Presentation -----(7) Not the prettiest but it sure was good
Price ------------- (7) $10 for a Burger and Fries ain't bad for a restaurant
Quantity --------- (8) Just about right. Couldn't really judge though
Satisfaction ----- (9) I definitely will be eating this again

Maybe it's because I'm just so used to eating $1 burgers from fast food joints that I forget that there are actually quality meals out there. It's good to treat yourself to something nice once in a while. I don't feel so... cheap.

Oh, I got up at 4:30am the next morning and polished off the rest of the Frisco Burger. I had dreams about it and I just had to finish it.

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El Pollo Loco - Chicken Sliders ($1.29) Rating: 5

Mark Lim - When KFC introduced Grilled Chicken to their menu it turned their war with El Pollo Loco into one giant soap opera. It was like KFC stealing El Pollo Loco's woman at the altar on horseback, giving her amnesia, and switching their babies at birth all at the same time.

El Pollo Loco has decided to fight back by copying KFC's "Snacker" sandwich and renaming it The Chicken Slider.

Both are pretty decent but I'd have to give the edge to the Snacker because KFC offers a larger sandwich, more flavors, and uses a better chicken chunk.

These El Pollo Loco Sliders are advertised at 99 cents but that's only for the Original Flavor. Spicy and BBQ are $1.29 which leaves me feeling cheated.

The chicken used in the Sliders are comparable with McDonald's frozen chicken but they're not too bad. I actually quite enjoyed the Original Flavor.

I have quite a large head so it's hard to judge how big these Sliders actually are.

Maybe it's me but fast food sandwiches covered in BBQ sauce are never good. The KFC BBQ Snacker and the El Pollo Loco BBQ Sliders are both pretty gross.

El Pollo Loco - Original Slider, BBQ Slider, Spicy Slider

Taste ------------ (5) Original was by far better than the other two
Presentation -----(5) Lots of mess for a little burger
Price ------------- (6) $0.99 - $1.29 isn't too bad
Quantity --------- (4) They're the size of half a tennis ball
Satisfaction ----- (5) I probably could eat about 5 before throwing up

These aren't my favorite and I believe the KFC Snacker to be the superior mini chicken burger but I probably would get them again if I wanted something small and cheap. What El Pollo Loco should have done was use their superior Flame Grilled Chicken and made that into a sandwich. That would have been a total change of pace and something wonderfully awesome.

Be Fat! Be Happy!