Bakers - Boca Burger ($7.50) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - Last Sunday I ate at a place called Baker's in Yucaipa California that boasts the first ever "Twin Kitchen" serving both American and Mexican style food.

For some strange reason I was in a hippie barefoot save the animals kind of mood and decieded to pass on all the greasy burritos and burgers and order a Soy Gluten Boca Burger instead.

When we got home I had accidentally switched bags with my wife and after I saw her juicy meat burger I was instantly disappointed with my hippie choice.

The first thing I noticed with my combo was the MASSIVE amount of fries they give you. I know it doesn't look like it in the picture but they give you a deep heavy bag that could fit two whole potatoes. Unfortunately their fries are no good.

Large bag of fries. Ok sized burger

Bakers uses different buns for their Boca burgers which are dry and dense and tasteless. It would have been much better if they had used the regular buns they put on their meat burgers.

Getting ready to take a bite of soy and glutten

The Boca patty matches too much with the color of the bun and adds no visual flavor at all.

Bakers - Bocca Burger Papa Meal

Taste ------------ (5) Bland but edible
Presentation ---(7) Well built
Price ------------- (5) A little more expensive than a regular burger
Availability ----- (6) 32 stores in So Cal
Quantity --------- (7) Burger is quite small. Plenty of fries but they're gross
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was sad after eating it.

Rating: 6 out of 10

The burger was missing a savory salty flavor. It had Thousand Island dressing on it but there wasn't enough to kick up the bland flavor of the Boca patty. I've had some good garden burgers before and this just isn't one of them.

I won't be getting this a 3rd time.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Cooking on a Budget

Mark Lim - My woman doesn't let me cook anymore because I cut off a chunk of my pinky slicing cucumbers.

I also start fires.

In order to prove to her that I've learned from my mistakes I've filmed my own cooking show.

Now she no longer lets me in the kitchen.

Enjoy!

Burger King - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT ($6.00) Rating: 2

Mark Lim - Before I pulled up to the drive-thru I decided I would let a Burger King employee pick which burger I would eat that day.

I didn't realize how much of a hassle it would be.

Me: "Hi. What burger do you recommend?
BK: "Umm... (10 second pause) Let me talk to my manager."
Me: "Wait! Just tell me what new burgers you have."
BK: "Umm... we have no new burgers."
Me: "Yes you do. I can see them right there.
BK: " Let me get my manager"

As I talked to the manager through the drive-thru speaker I realized that I would have to choose my own destiny. I ended up selecting the Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT which I'm sure they spit on.

You have to play that sound clip when you look at that picture.

I will never forget the great mushroom famine of 2009

Can you really call it a Mushroom and Swiss Burger when they only give you one mushroom?

A disappointed look

My burger screams in pain as I bite into it

Burger King. - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT

Taste ------------ (3) The steakhouse patty is ok. Can't taste much else
Presentation -----(1) Looks like someone made it with their feet
Price ------------- (3) $6 and they don't even give you mushrooms
Quantity --------- (4) It's got a lot of bun
Satisfaction ----- (1) Another disgusting looking cow pie

Rating: 2 out of 10

I don't have too much to say about the Mushroom Swiss Burger other than it's another sad display of indifference. I have worries about future of society when I look at carelessly made burgers. I imagine the same people making my food are the same people putting together cars, doing construction work for buildings, and spawning. The latter scares me the most.

If we can teach our children to take pride in making burgers with lots of mushrooms then maybe in time our world will be a better place. It all has to start somewhere.

Be fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. - Big Carl ($2.71) Rating: 4

Mark Lim - Eating is a full contact sport and sometimes even the best professional consumers get injured.

I needed time to heal so I forced myself to take a break from food blogging for a couple of months because I slowly cultivated a gut that caused me many strange pains all over my body.

But now I'm back and ready to eat! (and exercise as suggested by my doctor)

The first burger on my list was the new Big Carl which was created by Carl's Jr. scientists to obliterate McDonald's Big Mac. In their new commercial they show a side by side comparison of the two burgers favoring the Big Carl.

On planet Earth, the burgers look more like my picture on the right.

McDonald burgers never look amazing but they also never look disgusting. My problem with Carl's Jr. is they dress their food up like fat juicy supermodels and parade them around like celebrities when in reality they look like this:

Thousand Island Vomit

It's a pretty big burger for $2.71 though

Cheesy stalagmites and stalactites

Carl's Jr. - Big Carl

Taste ------------ (3) Missing that tangy sweet Thousand Island flavor
Presentation -----(3) Surprise! It looks nothing like the ad
Price ------------- (7) $2.71 is not a bad deal for the volume
Quantity --------- (8) Quite filling but it was missing flavor
Satisfaction ----- (3) Every bite was like chomping on styrofoam

The size and the value of the burger is decent but the taste was absolutely boring. It's straight meat and cheese with a dollop of dressing. You couldn't even taste the Thousand Island on the burger. I had to google the ingredients to see if it was actually dressing because I was so confused by the blandness.

I'd rather have a Big Mac.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat! ($27.00) Rating: 7

Mark Lim - The world is filled with epic battles between good and evil. Luke Skywalker fought Darth Vader, Al Gore wages war against Global Warming, and I try to conquer All You Can Eat Sushi Buffets.

My victim last weekend was Shogun Sushi in Yucaipa California. It was a long fight but I came out victorious.

The "Hot Night" Roll - Shrimp Tempura, Roe, Avocado, in a special spicy sauce. By far the favorite of the night. Ordered it twice!

The "Dragon" Roll - Eel and Avocado in a sweet sauce. Always a favorite

A picture of me and my fiance preparing for our sushi battle

Spicy Salmon Roll with Raw Salmon, Jalapenos, and a spicy sauce. It wasn't very flavorful and a little too hot. I didn't like it too much.

Crunch Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and little crunch toppers in a sweet sauce. Good texture.

Another Tempura Roll and a Cream Cheese Roll. The Cream Cheese Roll had raw salmon, crab meat, and avocado. I think there was too much cream cheese. I've had better versions elsewhere.

The "Vegas" Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and Cucumber battered and deep fried. It was too startchy and lacked flavor. The hip name and apperance threw me for a loop. This was probably the most disappointing roll I've ever had.

Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat Sushi Buffet

Taste ------------ (8) There are some great rolls but a couple misses
Presentation -----(7) The plating was appetizing
Price ------------- (5) I've been to better places for $27
Quantity --------- (8) They charge double if you don't finish
Satisfaction ----- (6) You leave full but it's probably better to order single rolls instead of the buffet

I enjoyed myself at Shogun Sushi but there were harsh rules that had to be followed while eating all you could.

The first rule was if you had any left overs they would charge you double the price. I got to the point where I couldn't shove any more food down my throat and still had an entire 8 piece sushi left. It took all my strength and will power to finish and it made me sick.

The second rule was you only had 1 hour to eat so I was frantically ordering as much as I could and didn't get to slowly savor the sushi.

Overall I thought it was pretty good food but I wouldn't get the All You Can Eat for $27 again. It's much more relaxing and cost effective to order each roll separately. We were full after about $40 worth of sushi but our greediness forced us to eat a nauseous $80 worth.

If you're ever in Yucaipa and want to try Shogun Sushi, here is the address:

Shogun Sushi
33527 Yucaipa Blvd # 0
Yucaipa, CA 92399-2029
(909) 790-4778

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr - Teriyaki Burger ($6.00) Rating: 9

Mark Lim - It's summer time again and Carl's Jr. has found the perfect combination of meat, fruit, and side boob to sell their oldie but goodie Teriyaki Burger.

Yes, they've gone back to their roots of having hot chicks eat meat all sexy like. Whenever I see the commercial with Audrina from The Hills chewing on a big fat one all the blood rushes from my brain to my hypothalamus, the part of the brain that controls hunger.

Yeah right.

I really wished the burger looked like it did on the commercial but it's not the ugliest thing I've seen. You should check out Carl's Prime Rib Burger. Now that one looks like horse vomit.

Padma Lakshmi and I share a moment

I had my doubts going in because I've been let down by pretty much every Carl's burger I've had but this one was actually pretty tasty. It wasn't too sweet like the Kentucky Bourbon Burger. The pineapples were very savory and the teriyaki sauce didn't taste like eating 4 packs of Splenda.

Carl's Jr: Teriyaki Burger

Taste ------------ (9) Very good. Great combo
Presentation -----(7) It aint winning no beauty pageants
Price ------------- (6) $6 is almost worth it.
Quantity --------- (8) It was a good size
Satisfaction ----- (9) I quite enjoyed it.

Rating: 9 out of 10

This is definitely one of the few good burgers at Carl's Jr. that doesn't look or taste like excrement. The pineapples and teriyaki sauce complemented the burger and brought a hint of sweetness, savoriness, tanginess, juiciness, and texture to my mouth.

This was pretty damn good and I'd definitely get it again. Boobs.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches ($3.99) Rating: 5

Mark Lim - Burger technology has advanced leaps and bounds over the past couple months. Gone are the ways of the big greasy bacon packed behemoths of yesteryear. Mini is in.

Much like cellphones and trendy dogs, burgers have gotten smaller and smaller. The new mini on the market is the Jack in the Box Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich:

3 Pack of Mini-ness

I actually like the concept of the Mini Burger. They're small and neatly put together. It's easier to portion out if you want to save some for later and they're much cleaner to eat.

Sampling a baby burger

Jack's Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches aren't very good. The patty is just slightly larger than a dinosaur chicken nugget and tastes just as good as a microwaved one. If they had used quality meat from their chicken fingers it would have been a much better burger.

Acrobatic Mini Burgers

Another thing that disturbs me about the burger is the amount of Frank's Red Hot Sauce they put on them. I like hot sauce in small quantities but sometimes they drench the entire sandwich in it ruining the flavor.

Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich

Taste ------------ (5) Too much sauce not enough chicken
Presentation -----(6) They look ok. Nothing to brag about
Price ------------- (6) $3.99? I can get 4 double cheese burgers for that
Quantity --------- (5) The key word here is "Mini"
Satisfaction ----- (4) Naw, not going to get this again

Eh, I expected way too much. I actually really liked their Mini Sirloin Burgers but their Mini Chickens are pretty gross. Steer clear, Cowboy.

Oh, I'll leave you with this video of me trying to fit them into my mouth:

Be Fat! Be Happy!