Carl's Jr. - Portobello Mushroom $6 Burger ($5.00) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - The Portobello Mushroom $6 Burger looked amazing when I took it out of the box but Carl's Jr. always finds a way to disappoint me.

Other than being a little squished from sitting at the bottom of the bag the burger looked just like the commercials. The juices, melted cheese, and portobello mushrooms merged together in perfect harmony.

It fit just right in my hand. I couldn't wait to swallow it whole.

The mushrooms were plentiful and covered the entire burger which is rare experience at Carl's. They're supposed to be sauteed in garlic butter but were lacking saltiness. Normally when I order a specialty burger they don't give me enough of the "special" (e.g. Prime Rib and Kentucky Bourbon) but this one had the right amount of goodies.

The other condiments suffered though. Look at the pitiful amount of onions they gave me. They did include two large slices of tomato which was a surprise since they normally skimp on them.

Don't let my large head fool you. The burger is pretty big.

Here's a picture of the two nice tomato slices.

This is the second time I've had the Carl's Jr. Portobello Mushroom burger and while it looks wonderful the flavor is too subtle for me. The meat had a nice smokey flavor but the swiss cheese was too mild, the mushrooms didn't have the garlic butter kick, and there weren't enough onions to spice it up.

Carl's Jr. - Portobello Mushroom Burger

Taste ------------ (4) Bland, mild, no strong flavor
Presentation -----(9) Good looking burger
Price ------------- (6) $6 burgers are $5. Not that great of a deal
Quantity --------- (8) It's large and hefty
Satisfaction ----- (5) I was full but I wanted something salty after

Rating: 6 out of 10

It's not a bad burger. I like it much better than the Prime Rib or the Kentucky Bourbon which are both horrific but it lacked that "Mmm..." factor. Before I took my first bite I had visions of a delicious flavor explosion but was disappointed with a taste deprived mouthful. I guess looks can be deceiving.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 3 times, I don't think so. I won't be getting this burger a 3rd time.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Jack in the Box - Mini Sirloin Burgers - ($4.00) Rating: 8

Mark Lim - Burger Technology has grown leaps and bounds over the years and has even borrowed a few tricks from Silicon Valley.

Jack in the Box's Mini Sirloin Burgers don't boast their size or messiness like Carl's Jr's menu but are built more like microchips. These little bad boys are small, efficient, and pack a flavorful punch that rival the biggest of burgers.

Here's a pack of 3 for $3.99

The mini burgers are around 2.5 inches in diameter but are actually quite filling

Here is the well crafted and neat guts of the mini burger

Close up of the Sirloin patty

These Mini Burgers are perfect for the OCD consumer. They're neatly constructed and are much easier to eat than a full sized burger. They weren't messy and held together really well.

Usually when I order a big burger from a fast food joint the condiments and toppings are sparsely placed on top but with these tiny burgers the condiments and toppings were evenly placed. I was surprised at how much I liked the Mini Sirloin Burgers.

Jack in the Box - Mini Sirloin Burgers

Taste ------------ (8) The patty tasted good
Presentation -----(8) The burgers were well built
Price ------------- (6) 3.99 is about average for a burger
Quantity --------- (7) It looks small but it's a good amount
Satisfaction ----- (8) I was full and wasn't covered in grease

Rating: 8 out of 10

I bought 9 of these burgers and gave a couple friends a stack. They also agreed that the burgers were quite good. I'd definitely get them again. :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Quizno's - Italian Torpedo ($4.40) Rating: 6

Mark Lim - All hands on deck! Here comes a Torpedo! Yes, Quizno's has a new sandwich that rivals Subway's $5 Foot Long and it only costs $4.

It's like those people who make 6 minute Ab workouts to combat the people who make the 7 minute Abs.

The TV commercials for the Torpedo with the smooth talking Oven trying to seduce a sandwich maker is a little too sexual for me but the subs are pretty good. I ordered two Torpedos. This one is the Tuna:

Quiznos has a fixin's bar that has different sauces and toppings which is nice

Here's the Italian Sub:

The problem with the Torpedos isn't their taste but in their construction. The bread isn't one piece but built more like a regular sandwich with two pieces of bread that aren't connected. They do this so it's easier to put them through the conveyor toaster but it becomes a huge problem when you try to eat it because it simply falls apart.

If we're talking value then Subway's $5 Foot Long destroys the $4 Torpedo. Why? Because most Subway doesn't charge tax on their $5 Foot Longs but Quiznos does which makes their $4 Torpedoes $4.33.

Quiznos - Italian Torpedo + Tuna Torpedo

Taste ------------ (7) These are good subs
Presentation -----(4) It's messy and falls apart
Price ------------- (5) It's ok but Subway's prices are better
Quantity --------- (6) It's a good amount of food
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was full but I ate two of them

Rating: 6 out of 10

If we're talking taste then I would give Quiznos a slight edge because their ingredients seem a little better but the Subway Subs are much much bigger than the Quizno Torpedos which means they give you more bang for the buck.

The Quiznos Torpedo is a good sub but if there was a Subway next door I'd go there instead because I'm cheap like that.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

KFC - Kentucky Grilled Chicken ($9) Rating: 2

Mark Lim - Ancient Chinese Proverb - Do not Grill what can be Fried.

When I heard KFC was introducing their new Grilled Chicken I thought it was another joke. I've heard way too many strange tales about KFC like the laboratory they own where they genetically mutate chickens so they have 8 legs.

When I found out that the Grilled Chicken wasn't an urban legend I became very excited. More excited than a grown man should be when hearing about chicken cookery.

This is the bucket and no, it was not bucket worthy.

Strange color

Beta Testing the chicken

The grill marks look like they're trying way too hard

One piece of the 8 legged mutant

The chicken was the greasiest piece of meat I've ever had. I had to constantly wipe my hands before they started to prune. It also had a very strange chemical taste to it like they spray painted the grill marks on. The spices they used were disgusting and way too strong. I love KFC's fried chicken but grilled was a horrible idea.

El Pollo Loco has them beat hands down.

KFC - Kentucky Grilled Chicken

Taste ------------ (2) Horrible horrible horrible
Presentation -----(2) The chicken looked funky
Price ------------- (6) It's a decent price for bad chicken
Quantity --------- (6) It's a lot of chicken
Satisfaction ----- (1) I will never ever get it again

Rating: 2 out of 10

Please stay away from the grilled chicken and let's hope KFC keeps these 11 herbs and spices a secret forever.

Be Fat! Be Happy!